Rich Mess ; Adrien vs. Felix

14 - I'm Not Insane I'm Not Insane

I wrote the beginning of this chapter when I was high, drunk and heartbroken, so it might not make a lot of sense okay lmao leave me alone. The last half of the chapter is less hectic. Sorry it took so long to update btw :(((

Adrien's POV

And so the party went on. I didn't talk to Marinette after our little chat, but my eyes were fixed on her. To me, she always has been and always will be the embodiment of beauty - the kind that suffocated every ounce of my sanity.

Strands of hair fell over her face as she danced to the blaring music, every angle of her face was violent as her words. From the cruel line of her jaw, to the harsh slant of her high cheekbones.

"I love him and I hate you." Her words resonated inside my head like a never ending nightmare.

She looked like a freshly woken storm, brimming with thunder and cursed by lightning. Everything within me screamed danger, screamed at me to run.

But I couldn't. I was transfixed. Frozen in time by the girl with piercing bluebell eyes. The color of a spring sky after it rained. An ungodly kind of beauty, she was - not often seen by men, living or dead.

I still remember the days we were so in love. So happy. So reckless. I wonder if it was a love that made her days short, as it did mine.

Over the years, I tried to erase these memories of us one by one. They were too painful. Yet, I countlessly imagined the day we would meet again - wondering what happened to her and our child, like a mad man.

Eventually, my unconditional love for her withered. At least that's what I desperately tried to convince myself.

I haven't loved her for a while now, but still she slithers in my veins. A wild hissing misery, twisting down through my bones. Leaving the marrow petrified and my blood black as coal.

I haven't loved her for a while now, but still she torments my soul. Those crimsoned dreams, left hollowed nights, still taking their toll.

I haven't loved her for a while now, and I'm confused I ever did. I've got obsession, and lust, and maybe that's all it is. Maybe that's all it ever was since the beginning. Maybe my heart is incapable and unworthy of love.

A viper struck heart, ready to burst from her grip - fangs sinking venom, as she rips through my brain. My mind far away, my ravaged carcass still struck.

Somehow, I managed to move on - only to choke on scales and spit. Somehow I managed to move on - even when she was still tattooed in my ribs.

God, Marinette has no idea of the power she holds over me. How badly I want her to forgive me for my mistakes. How badly I want to kill myself for leaving her. For not chasing her in New York. For not being there when she needed me the most. All the reasons I had for letting her go seem so insignificant now that she's sleeping in another man's arms.

Because for her, I would go to the moon and back. She was the first person to show me what true love is. Dad? Useless. Mom? Left me.

Before Marinette, love was nothing but a foreign emotion locked deep beneath my marred heart. Thorns of loss pulled tight until the once supple organ became taught and unrecognizable with the lies that flowed through my veins, tainting me black with the bitterness that consumed my being.

That was a fancy way to say that before her, I was a heartless jerk.

But...