Flowers of Spring

Dreams

"So there I was, sitting on my desk when suddenly the teacher comes in and tells me 'Ms. Viatto, please see me in my office.' I was nervous. Who wouldn't think that all he wanted was my body?" said Mia.

No one but you would think that.

"I mean, I wouldn't be completely opposed to it. Mr. Hardy is a rather handsome young man."

"Could you, like, not think about sex for a second?" asked Gabriela.

"I'm not thinking about it all the time, but what's so bad about it? People ought to stop thinking it's such a taboo thing to talk about. You know, Gabby, everyone is thinking about it constantly; they just don't say it out loud. Take Nat, for instance, she channels her frustrations by acting tough all day, but you know once she heads back home all she thinks about is Axel and his ..."

"Okay, enough, enough," said Gabriela. "Can we talk about something else?"

I could see Gabriela's cheeks burning from where I was. Nat's eyes were opened wide as she watched herself take timely steps forward. It was as if she was a puppy who had just been found guilty of ravishing the toilet paper.

The train station was still a ways to go. Once we'd arrive, our short-lived conversation would come to an end and we'd all say our farewells. My bag felt empty without my book. For some reason, Nat didn't have it with her. When I asked Mia and Gabriela about it, they didn't even know she had taken it from me.

I was feeling uneasy. For some time I hadn't been part of their conversation. After Mia's animated rant I started to feel more jittery.

They continued talking about placid things. Exams were coming up and they planned on studying together. Of course, I was included without any say in it. Who else would tutor them in History and Math?

The walk was as conventional as it always has been. If I'm asked, I wouldn't be able to remember any specific moments about our walks after school. All those memories kind of overlap into one big memory. Our walks were just routine. We didn't plan them out. When school was done we didn't tell each other we were leaving; we just did it. We'd meet up at the school entrance, then we'd talk with people like Jackson while we waited for the one that was missing (most of the time, Nat), and then we'd walk out together. Never in silence; always with a topic in mind. Conversations flowed so naturally between us that it sometimes felt like there was never a moment of silence. That wouldn't be true, of course. It would be impossible not to, but even when we lulled, our minds seemed to speak to each other in a never-ending exchange.

A double-edged sword. For when one of us was feeling off, the rest noticed almost immediately. This time around, it was me. The conversation I had with Nat during lunch left a deep wound in my mind. The type of wound that doesn't hurt but just constantly nags at you with its presence.

An inescapable thought. Even as present as it was before, talking about it proved to be a bigger burden.

Nat was aware of that. She always was aware of these things. She knew exactly what to say to leave a mark, or what not to say to see someone act accordingly. She was that type of tactician. The kind that played with the mind in inconspicuous ways. If she were to join the army, they'd call her a warfare prodigy.

Even now, Nat probably knew what was going through my head, but like clockwork, Mia said, "Something on your mind, Saku?"

"Nothing of importance."

Nat looked at me.

"Hmm, if it's nothing of importance you wouldn't be looking so blue."

"You've been a tad down since lunch, haven't you?" asked Gabriela.