My R

Botteled up pain!

And like that, there was someone every day

I listened to their tale, I made them turn away

And yet there was no one who would do this for me

No way I could let out all this pain

For another three weeks I came up to the same rooftop once a week and spend the night there till midnight, talking to three different persons.

One time there was someone that looked like a show man. He told me to call him Mr. Compress because of his quirk. He wanted to jump because no one ever gave him a chance in life. Everyone hated him for his quirk and once again I learned that the society is messed up.

I told him his quirk was genius and that he could rescue so many people with it. He couldn't believe me at first but after explaining it to him, he accepted his own quirk. Again, I send this person to the group I didn't know off.

Then the next week I had someone on the roof that looked not only like a lizard but also had a quirk related to them. He told me that he couldn't stand the society anymore and that this society wasn't worth living in. He didn't see a future where he could be happy and that was his que.

I told him that he could take things in his own arms. If everyone sticks together, then we civilians could change the future and the society. There was always a person that needed to start it. Spinner as he introduced himself, was really kind and I could see that he had amazing combat skills. I couldn't help it but ask him for a battle.

He accepted and we both fought through the night a quirkless battle. It was fun and I learn some new thing from him. He beat me every single time. What did you expect if I haven't eaten much in a while and don't get enough sleep?

I couldn't take it anymore!

Each day I would feel less hungry and I needed to force myself to eat something. Sleep wasn't that much different. I would lay in my bed and hope that I could rest for the night but it never worked for the past 2 weeks. I haven even closed my eyes and made a nap for 2 week and all that I was eating was once a week.

The third week I found someone standing there dressing in nearly all black. He scared the living shit out of me because I was laying on the roof enjoying and watching the stars for a last time when he came up to me and began yelling while also apologizing to me to get off the roof.

His dual personally really was something else. It was fun talking to him. His problem was that he didn't know any more if he was the real one or his own quirk and I suggested the stupidest idea someone could get.

I told him to extend his hand out to me and broke his pinky.

Now why did I do that?

Simple because if you break a bone of one of his clones they would disappear. I than told him I was sorry and that I only wanted to prove to him that he was his own and not a duplicate.

He hugged me and ran out to the door leaving me stunt.

This was one opportunity like the many others that I missed. I went back home and straight to the bathroom where I had a hidden blade. I couldn't take it anymore.

'If you really want to be a hero, then why don't you take a swan dive of the roof and hope for a quirk in your next live'

'You are a failure! You can't do anything right!'

A tear escaped fell down my cheek. I knew that these voices in my head were all words from my past. They were haunting me. Until 2 weeks ago they were only there in my dreams but now after I basically stopped sleeping, they escaped in my head.

'I don't believe a quirkless person can be a hero...'

'Even the Number 1 hero said it! It must be true!'

'Useless'

'Die'

'Waste of Space'

'Die'

'DEKU'

I was now completely crying, not able to hold my tears back! My hero name. That was the trigger that broke me completely! I loved and hated it. Thanks to Uraraka I got a different meaning to it but I still knew its origin and it bothered me. No one could tell me that it was a good hero name. I couldn't even believe that UA let me choose this as my hero name and accepted it.

'Disgusting'

'Die'

Everyone beside me was okay with it and didn't even question it at all.

'Die'

That was something I still hear from Bakugo every day. It was a friendly reminder of my true goal. Thanks to him I never lost it from my sight.

'Worthless'

'Die'

Yes, I would die. Maybe if this is going on even from all the voices in my head.

'Stupid'

'Die'

'Bastard'

'Die'

'Quirkless Disappointment'

'Do us all a favor and just die already!'

'Death'

Me: I wish it was soo easy!

They suddenly stopped. 42 cuts that where split equally on both of my arms. It took me 42 times to finally snap me out of the hell whole I got myself into. All the cuts were deep and I lost a lot of blood. I felt sluggish and tired. I didn't even bother to clean my cuts or the bathroom floor. I knew that my mother wouldn't be at home tomorrow and not even feeling like to go to bed I dropped right there on the floor close to the bathtub. I knew that my cuts were not deep enough for me to die but they did help me with the pain. I loved the felling I got from cutting myself. It was the only thing I could feel anymore. I had no feeling what so ever for coldness or heat.

I was sure that next week would be the week I finally could let go!