Run and Hide - (s. rogers)

ten

                I watched the sun rise.

It lit the night sky with pinks and oranges. The night sky lighted into a light blue. The clouds turned from purple to white.

I glance down at the journal in my hand. At the words that I had written.

I dreamed of Maggie again. I screamed again. They are getting more frequent. These nightmares. I wish I could forget everything at times. Like the moment right after the nightmare, when the terror is real and the images are clear. Like when someone asks about my family, my life, before the system. This book is the only way I am surviving. The only way that I can be honest.

Every word that leaves my lips has been tainted with my lies. When will I be able to tell the truth again? I long to be called by my name. To hear my name on someone's lips. To be me again...

I closed the book and dropped it on the bed. I could hear the slight sound of footsteps outside my door. The smell of coffee. The laughter of the children who were staying in my house.

I could remember mornings when Maggie and I would sneak downstairs and watching the sunrise from our tree house. Mornings that I would spend laughing with my family around the breakfast table. Mornings when I would open my eyes and just be content to lay there.

I shifted, the good memories tainted with the bad ones.

Waking in the morning to a new home; A new family that didn't really care about me. Mornings when I would sit alone at the table. Mornings when I opened my eyes to the unbearable feeling a loss.

I opened the book again and penned a few more words.

I've been told that time would heal all wounds. But does it really? I feel more alone than the morning I woke up after that night. Time doesn't heal. It buries the hurt. And occasionally you feel whole; but never til you have lived your life with the hurt. The constant hurt...

A knock on the door pulled me out of my trance, "Yes?"

The door cracked open and Lila stuck her head in, "Jack?"

I smiled at her and patted the bed next to me. She climbed up, leaving the door slightly open. I wanted to tell her to close it, but as her body snuggled up next to mine, I let it slide.

"Jack?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Lila pulled away from me, "Your neck doesn't look fine."

I shrugged, "It will go away."

She reached a finger up and rubbed the bruise gently. I winced at the slight pain. Lila frowned and dropped her hand, "And your bad dreams? Will those go away too?"

Her question sobered me, "I don't know, Lila."

She hugs me again, her soft voice barely reaching my ears, "I hope they do."

"Me too, Lila. Me too."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I watched Nat as she paced around the basement floor.

"I know, Ty. But I need you to do this. For me."

I hid a grin as she gave me a thumbs up. Ty would help us out.

"Thanks, Ty. See you soon."

I waited as she hung up.

"Ty will come by tomorrow with the supplies. T'Challa is coming sometime this morning." Nat leaned against the concrete wall, "Is Bucky ready?"

I shrugged, "We don't know what Hydra did to him. So we really don't know what to expect."

Natasha eyed me, "Steve, I'm sure it will all be fine."

"Never known you to be an optimist." I tease.

She shrugs, "Ty's rubbing off on me."

I smiled, "How's he been?"

Her eyes softened, "He's been helping Crash adjust. She's been having some trouble with the basic stuff. Ty's been her roommate for the past three months."

"I didn't ask how Crash was, Nat."

She looked away from me, "He's okay. I can tell that he wants to be with me, but is tied down with his own problems. And frankly, I wouldn't want to pull him into everything we're dealing with."

"And you guys together?" I knew that Ty and Nat had a few more bumps to work out together.

"We're getting there." Nat sighed, "He's having a hard time trusting what I say. If I tell him that I'm here for him, he believes me; but not really. And I have a hard time letting him do work."

I nodded.

"His arms will never be as strong was they were, because of places they were broke and that they didn't get set right after. And I don't want him to get hurt."

I could hear the guilt in her voice.

"Guys." Sam called down the stairs, "The cat's here."

I glanced at Nat with a smirk, "You heard the man."

She had a grin of her face as she followed me upstairs.

T'Challa stood in the living room. Bucky eyed him from his place on the couch. I caught Clint's eye and motioned for him to get Laura out of the room. He nodded and whispered something in her ear. The figure in the corner of the room caught my eye.

Jack was watching the ruler with suspicion. Her grey eyes flickering from one point to the next. Her stance guarded.

"Are you ready?"

I glanced back to T'Challa, "Whenever you are."

"We can go now." T'Challa turned away from the group.

I glanced at Bucky, who followed the man out.

"I've got them, Steve." Sam grabbed my shoulder, "We'll make it to the safe house okay."

"Take care of them for me, Sam." I looked around our ragtag group.

"Will do."