ummmmmm Pasta E Fagiolli-

Beat it up, catch a charge

💫VENTING💫 💫CURSING💫
💫FAMILY ISSUES💫

I've been having a lot of issues with myself recently. I've been falling into a spiral of being alright at one moment and feeling like absolute shit the next. I don't want to ask people for help because I'm worried they will tell my parents how I feel. My parents have been fighting non-stop and keeps blaming me over it. My dad has been so angry recently. My brother.. well let's say he's probs preparing for Saturday. Everyone's been so angry and distant and it's so hard to keep smiling. I've been trying so hard to block out negative feelings but with one good thought comes a million bad ones. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. Every time I look at myself I feel my skin crawl. I just feel so gross. I never knew it could be so difficult to look at myself. I don't want to keep living like this. I'm scared to shower because I'll have to look at my body. I'm scared to eat a lot and put weight on. I'm scared to speak incase I say something I'll regret. How come I never fear anything physical, but instead my own mind? What's wrong with me? My world feels like it's crashing down onto me, and yet I'm still trying to keep it up and hold it together. Why do I do this? Why don't I just admit the way I feel? I can't keep doing this. It's too difficult. No one's ever been there for me, always too busy in their own stuff. It hurts. I don't feel depressed, I just wish things would change. I feel selfish for thinking this way though. Like it's too much to ask. I've been feeling a numb feeling everytime I try to express myself anymore. I feel empty, like a void or something. I don't know why I feel this way, and I feel so fake because of it. I just want to be able to go back in time, change some of my decisions, be a better daughter and sibling. But I can't. And I never will be able to no matter how much I want to.

What do you guys wish you looked like? Mines the photo at the top.