Follow along with Malayah Johnson as she goes through the emotions of grief, anger and betrayal to find her peace.
#25 for BlackWoman
#2 for Black power🖤
MALAYAH POV *at the hospital* TW: sexual assault and drug abuse, Self harm I aint reread or nun so if something spelled wrong just thug it out🙄
The hospital room was quiet yet loud. Marlons mother, his brother and his mistress was there. And some young boy who I can assume is his son.
Who the fuck invited them? Jerome smiled at me and my mind was flooded with memories I tried so hard to forget.
Jerome holding me down and my screams and cries as he hurt me, and my fathers laughs. The nights I cried myself to sleep and spent hurting myself because I thought I did something wrong. Hoping and praying that Bug never feels how I felt.
Hoping that her confused little mind never comes to the wrong conclusion. That when she gets older and look through her life she never remembers those moments and thinks that it was her fault.
That she never allows the hurt from the men in her life to impact the way she perceives love. That she'll find self love before she looks for love in other people. That she'll find her peace within herself. That she won't chase the wrong men looking for the wrong love.
I looked at the people in that room and the only feeling I felt was disgust. Not concern, not hurt but disgust. As my thoughts flooded my mind I started to feel uneasy. My mind started racing and I started feeling light headed.
My heart started beating abnormally fast. I started breathing heavy and my arms and body started feeling heavy. I was present physically but absent mentally.
Before I knew it mama was racing me to the trash can out side.
"Layah what's wrong? Talk to me baby" "I don't even know. I just I just started thinking and then I got really lightheaded and my heart started racing and that's all I remember."
I started crying. All the growth I've made was gone. I felt like that small girl again. The girl who was helpless. I allowed those men and women in that room to hurt me. Again.
I thought I would be able to be strong but I wasn't. I felt weak, I felt helpless. I felt abused.
I didn't just feel those things I was. Looking in retrospect I didn't heal. I ignored my feelings until it wasn't just a afterthought it wasn't a thought at all.
I cried my eyes out. People looked and assumed it was because I lost my "father" but in actuality it was because I allowed the now deceased man who hurt me my entire life to hurt me while he was gone.
I allowed him to control my emotions and feelings even while he was dead. I allowed him to manipulate me into thinking that I was the problem. Into blaming myself. I allowed him to make me feel as though my life didn't matter.
I allowed his faults to make me hurt myself. But I didn't. I didn't allow him too. I didn't ask for any of this hurt or pain. I was young, naive. I feel so confused in this very moment.
I cried because of that too. I like being in control and in this moment I felt useless. I felt dependent.
The nurse from the room came to check on me. "Is everything okay? We have trauma counselors in the hospitals for situations like this. Everyone grieves differently and we're here to make this as comfortable as possible for you all. Marlons wife Celina told us you were his niece-"
She kept talking but after that I stopped listening. They think I'm crying because he was an amazing uncle. Whose going to tell them he was a cheating abusive whore.
Celina said she was his wife? I looked at my mother. Her face showed both hurt and numbness at the same time.
Yes he was abusive but imagine spending years of your life being abused, finding out your kids were raped, being hospitalized, cheated on because the man who you love doesn't love you. Just to find out when he dies he loved someone else the way you wanted to love and then some. I'd be hurt too.
I don't know how he died but I hope it was painful. He deserved it. He deserves to be beaten. He deserves to feel like nothing. He deserves everything bad that he got and then some.
I stopped crying and started laughing. I refuse to allow that dead ass nigga to continue to get a reaction from me. Today the last damn day he gone hurt me. Fuck him, his crackhead ass brother, his drunk ass momma, his big body ass baby mother and his XXXXXL wearing ass son. Fuck him and everything he stands for.
This nurse prolly think I'm crazy. Shit maybe I am. I went in the bathroom to wipe my face off. I finally posted on my story. I'm no longer waiting on other people or looking for happiness in other people. Imma find my peace on my own. Your story- 36 seconds ago
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12 viewers, 7 reactions "Half these hoes don't like me. How you don't like me but got my story notifications on" ________________________________ Hey yalllll How y'all doing🖤 thank you for 1k reads. Imma try to update regularly. How y'all feeling bout this chapter?
Do y'all think Malayah gone change foreal?
He wasn't in this chapter but do y'all think her and Aaron gone get together?
