The Virgin vrs. The Player

Chapter 28

                                                                Roxana

Flashback

        "You've been aweful quite," Billy noted, " Is something wrong?"

        I arrived at Hy-vee with in a half hour when I got there I couldnt find him. So I texted him everytime I went somewhere else that that was where I'll be. Eventually I finally saw him walking towards Pamada from the parking lot. My heart picked up speed and I rushed out the store and jumped in his arms.

    Burrying my  face in his shoulder I begged for him to never leave me. Kissing my forehead he promised he will always be there for me. Then he tilted my chin up brushed the hair out of my eyes and kissed me as I was the air he breathed into his lungs.

      We browsed around Pamada for a bit ( mainly in the book sesction) then decided to go walk the trail.

       He took my hand just like he did before and guided me though the open area. We didn't say much but words weren't needed. It was the comfortable silece, the one that only happens with a few people.

        " Nothings wrong."

        " Your lying. I know you are now tell me... Whats wrong beautiful?'

        On the walk I somehow began to form a thought that I wasnt good enough for him. I don't know why. Randomly I started feeling ugly, fat, stupid. All the negativity was outweighing the postive. So I told him straight up.

        He stoped midstride, and loooked at me with a look of horror.

        " Why would you ever say that about yourself?"

        Because I don't deserve you. Because its true. Because I have a low self esteem.

        "  Oh Roxana," he soflty cooed, " You should never have to worry about any of those things. You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen. You look like a model. And you are everything I ever wanted dont ever change. Promise me that?"

        How can I promise something that I'm not sure I can keep? By trying to lose my virginity when I know I'm terrifed out of my mind doesn't that count as change? Sure, it does. 

        " I can't keep that promise."

        " Try... For me... Your perfefct just the way you are." 

        He kissed my temple. Part of me dredded what Billy said. I was far from perfect. I made mistakes, did things I regretted, even sinned when I knew it was wrong. Thats not even close to being perfect. 

        " You must see something I don't then," I told him honsetly. 

        Billy was quiet for a few mintues. I knew something was wrong, it was one of thsoe things I  could sense deep down in my blood.

        I was about to ask him what was wrong but he put his finger to my lips, silencing me. 

        " Don't," was all he said at first," You don't need to say anything right now." 

        " Why not," I mummbled around his finger. 

        I could feel Billy make a growl from the back of his throat. I wasn't sure what I did but then next think I know he was attacking my lips forefully.

        It was not the kind of kiss I was attracted to. I like tenerness... Not roughness like a caveman. 

        He pushed me onto my back with more force then I liked. Before I could infrom him of that he was cushing me and attacking my lips again. 

        We were making out. In public. For anyone to see. What's the matter with me? 

        I was fine with the kissing but when he started touching me, epsically around the button of my jeans I paniked.

        I pulled back and asked him with hystery what he was doing.

        " Trust me," was all he said, " You'll like it." 

        I pulled my pants down around my ankled along with my underwear and shoved a finger inside of me.

         OH OUCH!   

        " How does that feel," he wispered suductlivly picking up the pace.

        I keep screaming oh God with every trust. 

        " That good huh," he bragged, " How fast can you handle it?" 

        He didn't even wait for my answer he just shoved his finger as fast and hard as he could to the point where the only thing I could hear was the slapping of skin.

        My cries of oh God must of modivated Billy.... He doesn't undestand. I didn't say oh God becuase it felt good. I said it because it hurts... Like hell! 

        Just be over with I silently pleaded, please just be over with...

        After five minutes he pulled out and took a good wiff of his finger.

        " You smell devine," he hummed in pleasure, " Come. Lets go back to your car." 

        We walked back to my car in silnce. This time it was the bad kind. Insead of Billy opening the drivers side door he opened the door to the back and told me to get into.

        Not even thinking what was gonna happen I did as I was ordered to do. If my future self could talk to me I'm sure it would tell me to run and never look back.