Secret Rendezvous

8.

Present Day

After my second shower of the day, I check the time. I'm set to meet Landry at eight. I don't have his number so I can't text to confirm. My biggest fear is that he doesn't show, because then I'm going to have to have all of the old memories plus the new ones that will be hard to forget.

I don't have anything fancy to wear, only some ripped denim shorts, a casual loose fitted olive tank, with a light quarter sleeve black cardigan. I throw on some docs, grab my wallet and head down in the elevator. As I slip inside someone calls out for me to hold the doors. For a moment my heart leaps into my stomach, a reminder of when I first noticed Landry. Disappointment washes over me as two guys who aren't him hop inside.

They don't even thank me and as the doors close I get this dull ache in my chest. My brain is telling me to go back up to my room, but my heart tugs in the direction of the festival. The men who have entered are both tall and lanky. Their tight skinny jeans stick them like wet cloth. There is something familiar about them.

"Landry said to meet him in ten."

Realization hits me, the one with shaggy brown hair is Tucker Brown and the blonde with spikes is Ashton Holiday, two members of Landry's band. Of course they wouldn't recognize me, they have no idea who I am, as I had no idea of who they were. A thought smacks into me like a brick falling from a building. Do they know about me, or am I his dirty little secret?

I slip my phone from my back pocket to check the time, it's almost eight. How can we both be meeting Landry? Unless he's planning on introducing me to his friends and bandmates.

I shove the phone back in as the elevator dings and the doors glide open. Some lingering fans catch them in the lobby. Those girls are relentless. I sneak past them without being noticed and head out into the sticky summer night.

The daytime sky is fading into a dark blue in the distance. A beautiful glow of the lighter shade mixed with the darkness paints a pretty picture across the sky.

If I close my eyes as I walk through the grounds I would be able to navigate my way through my problem. Spending twenty years in one place will do that to you. Some vendors have changed, and even the games, and some rides, but it's mostly been the same steady flow for years.

The sights and sounds of this place always will feel like home. Even though I feel as if I've lost my way, the familiarity of everything here will always help me find my way back and ground me. Even with the impending date, I still get that same feeling.

I reach the carnival at exactly 7:56pm. I didn't want to arrive early, but I also didn't want to be late. Zig zagging through the crowd I reach the Ferris wheel at eight on the dot. I stand off to the side away from the line and begin to wait.

The screams around me sound warped as the spinning ride whizzes around behind me. I spin in that direction to check for him, but there's nothing. I tell myself I shouldn't panic and that it's only a few minutes after eight, but I can't help it.

Lars spots me through a crowd of carnival attendees holding a large stuffed panda. I wrap my arms around myself at the sight of it, if I didn't know any better I'd say it was the same I'd won that night. Lars stops in front of me, he's out of work clothes too and ready to take on the carnival himself.

"Fancy running into you here," he smiles.

"I'm meeting Landry."

"Oh. Well don't you kids have too much fun." He smirks. "I'm meeting Yvone here in a few, she drove over from Michigan to see me."

"Now who's the one who shouldn't have too much fun," I smirk.

Lars and Yvone have been dating for three years. I may not have been around often, but Lars is always checking in. They met here, he was her knight in shining armor, saving her from a crowd surfing incident. He's been married before and has two sons, both grown about my age, but he and his first wife didn't work out.

"Be safe. I'll see you tomorrow. Are you doing the AM shift again?"

I nod. "See you tomorrow."

I wave as he departs, then reach back and pull out my phone. It's now a little past 8:20pm. There's no reason to panic, there's still plenty of time.

I observe the concert goers and their families and friends walking by. Some hold large balloons, others stuffed animals. People walk around eating huge corn dogs, and mountains of cotton candy. A butter popcorn scent wafts by me as some kids race by holding a bucket in their hands. The noise from the concerts still going on overpower everything else.

My legs grow stiff, I've been standing pretty much all day. I check on the time again and I'm not sure when it slipped away but I've been standing here for over an hour. How pathetic is that? He was meeting with his friends and forgot about us. It's to be expected I don't know why I thought it would be any other way.

I slip through the crowd, ready to leave and crawl into bed.

"Landry, over here!" A raspy female voice calls.

I'd know his stance from anywhere. I catch sight of the back of him, and the way his skin tight jeans hang low on his hips. The back of his maroon shirt lifts as he waves to the female. I catch myself taking in the scene before me. She runs to him and he lifts her into his arms and tucks his hat low. She reaches up and kisses him. He doesn't fight it.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I try to convince myself, only it's not working very well. I duck out of there before he can spot me. I don't run, but I walk swiftly through the crowd and back towards the hotel. I'm grateful for the lonely elevator ride. There are enough tears to scare someone away.

Opening the door proves to be difficult. Even though it's one of those card keys, my hand shakes with an intensity that makes it hard to swipe it through. When it opens, I don't bother turning on the lights or changing. I unplug the hotel alarm clock and face my phone down on the bedside table and ignore the world. I don't want to see the night turn to morning, because then it will be the anniversary I've been dreading.

I slip under the covers and curl up into a ball wishing away the pain in my heart. Falling for a rock star is never good. If only he was still Landry Ryan it wouldn't be like this, but he's not that boy anymore, he's someone I don't know. Knowing that I slept with him last night makes it so much worse. I curl up tighter in an attempt to ease the pain, but it doesn't help.

I drift off in a sea full of my own tears. Loud bangs wake me from my sleep. They are coming from my door. Blinking several times I remember where I am and wish I could close my eyes and go home.

"Cal, it's me open up."

I do the one thing I didn't want to do, check my phone. It's a little past three in the morning, meaning it's the anniversary of my fathers death.

"Please open the door." He knocks again, this time a little softer. "Please." His voice cracks.

I keep my eyes closed and concentrate on the darkness surrounding me. The sounds of the concert have ceased this late and the only sound is the whirring of the AC unit in the room and Landry's soft knocks.

I pretend to sleep, not wanting to answer the door. I want to forget that we ever reconnected. It was never real. The worst part is I've never had a one night stand and the thought makes me sick. It's enough to throw me out of bed to race to the bathroom. There, I empty the contents of my mostly empty stomach.

By the time I exit the bathroom, the room grows quiet again. I drag myself back to the bed and allow the darkness to consume me before the world around me crumbles into a million tiny pieces.