Eliuteria

Chapter 39

It was quiet after they all left, no movement or sounds at all. Now that it was dark, the whole place was a little eerie.

It felt strange to be in the main basement or any of the other rooms, so I quickly moved all the supplies they'd left (some blankets and what was left of the water and food I'd brought with me) into the room with Ro and closed the door. The cot was tiny and Ro's large body took up most of the space, but I was able to squeeze in with him and pull a blanket over us both. Most of my body was draped over his and my head rested against his chest where I could hear the steady heartbeat.

"It's kind of creepy alone here," I told Ro, remembering Tau's suggestion that I talk to him. "I would probably feel much better if you woke up."

I waited like he might answer me, but he didn't. I spoke to Ro for a little while longer, telling him about Aerias mostly and keeping every story light in nature. I never was a great conversationalist, it was probably why I was drawn to someone like Ro who spoke to others with such ease.

It had been so long since I slept more than a few hours and now that I was laying down it was easy to drift to sleep, the pause between words growing longer until I slipped out of consciousness completely. When my eyes blinked open, I became aware that not a single nightmare haunted me while I slept for what felt like a long while. Without sitting up, I angled my face to look at Ro and touched his cheek and whispered in a hoarse voice, "Time to wake up."

He didn't move or respond but his heart was still beating and he was still warm. I snuggled back into him, allowing myself a couple more minutes, even though I was mostly on top of him it didn't feel close enough. I wanted to crawl inside him and—I opened my eyes, and pushed myself into a sitting position as it stuck me that I could actually crawl inside him.

Uewela. The word popped into my mind.

Maybe I could actually crawl inside him.

Ro had once described it as sharing of emotions, but the explanation seemed far to simple for the experience. It wasn't just emotions being shared, it was baring your soul to another, laying out every piece of you. There was no hiding anything. It was the most intimate thing I'd experienced. The first time it left me feeling raw and exposed. I was angry and though I didn't want to admit it, I was intrigued. I told Ro I didn't like it because of how empty it made me feel, but each time he kissed me I found myself hoping it would happen again, that Ro would do whatever it was that initiated the exchange. Out of respect for my wishes and likely for his own reasons, Ro never did. Not until the last time we were together, when it felt like it may be the last moment we'd ever have, did the connection form once more.

Ro never told me how he initiated Uewela and I had never asked. Never had the time. I wished I had asked about it that day...how he did it, why, so many things I wanted to know, but everything else seemed more important at the time. I didn't know how to make the connection happen or if we could share things while he was unconscious, but I had to try.

Twisting so that I could reach over him, I brought my lips down to his. It felt silly and awkward to press my mouth against his, because I could hardly call it a kiss. He didn't move or react. I had expected that, but it certainly didn't make the experience any less strange. Trying to rid myself of nerves and awkwardness, I closed my eyes. Recalling the memory of our last kiss, that amazing flying feeling, I tried to urge the connection but after several minutes, nothing happened. Frustrated, I pulled back and blew a sigh.

"This is stupid," I muttered to myself. Of course I wasn't going to kiss him awake, that was silly. It was stuff of fairy tales.

Maybe if I knew anything about Uewela, it could help, but I didn't.