Butterfly Kisses

Angry Outbursts

Joey's P. O. V.

I froze, paralyzed, standing in the doorway, watching as Chris came barreling toward me, anger flushing his cheeks and making him seem larger than life. I closed my eyes, trying to relax my body so when he squashed me into dust it wouldn't hurt quite as bad. It'd be over soon...

"Chris!" Michael grabbed him.

"Let go!" Chris snarled.

"Calm down!" Michael snapped at him, letting his eyes drift toward me. "Joey, come inside - it's chilly and you're not wearing your jacket."

I shut the door, leaning against it tiredly.

"Are you okay?" Theo bit his lip, concern etched in his face.

I snapped. A brittle piece broke inside of me.

"It's not like any of you actually care," I sneered, rolling my eyes and heading for the stairs.

"What do you mean?" Jay sounded cold.

He was angry - what right did he have to be angry? Something inside of me raged, shrieking, fighting, demanding to be unleashed. I was weak - it pushed my defenses down.

I paused, three steps up, spinning around and letting them see how furious I was. What did I mean?

"Well, dear brothers," I began, voice completely controlled, yet barbed and cutting. "How would you like to be told that one of you were in an abusive relationship, that you couldn't be trusted, let alone talked to about decisions that, mind you, involve you the most, and on top of that, all your independence, freedom, and autonomy were stripped all at the same time? How would you like to put all your trust into people because they were family, only for them to dice and slice your silly, pathetic heart up until you didn't have anything left? And then, how would you like it if they had the audacity to act like it's your fault they got mad when you reacted badly?"

I ground my teeth together, jaw creaking at the force of the action. I wanted to yell. I wanted to go down and slap them, but I knew neither of those things were right or slightly productive.

"You...you felt that way?" Steven faltered, looking completely devestated.

I glared at him. Crying wasn't going to work this time. No way.

"That doesn't give you the right to scare us half to death!" Chris shouted, eyes narrowed, and cheeks dark. "All we've been doing is try to help you - but you won't talk to us, you aren't trying to bond, and then you do stupid stuff that absolutely scares the shit out of us! Really, starving yourself because someone else who is literally thousands of miles away tells you not to eat? Grow up! Running away like a child, instead of actually - god forbid - talking to one of us? Do you think you can really handle independence?"

My heart stung at those words, blood welling up in the metaphorical wounds Chris had deepened. Even Theo was shocked, mouth gaping and eyes wide. I swallowed hard, tears rising with every breath.

"I'm going to my room," I croaked out, not daring to look at anyone else.

I turned away, hand on the banister, ready to escape when he said the words I was waiting for.

"That's not even your room! Without us you'd be on the street!" Chris angrily pressed.

"Well then, I will pack my things and find a nice park bench," I stated, voice surprisingly cool as turned to look at them. "I don't want to burden you, and I do want independence. Guess I'll work my way up from the bottom."

Chris looked regretful as soon as he finished, but I didn't care. I was tired of people walking all over me. I was tired of hurting but not fighting back.

"Joey - Joey, please don't!" Steven pleaded, eyes wide and frightened. "It's so cold outside, and - "

I didn't care. In that moment, I didn't care what anyone else wanted. I was just so...tired. I always did what everyone else told me to. I never complained, never protested anything.

I put up with all the pain, the grief, the hurt...I never asked for anything. Why? Why did everyone end up hurting me? I didn't understand.

I fled up the steps, shutting and locking Michael's door behind me. I let my tears go, blurring my vision as I grabbed the duffle bag I had arrived with, stuffing all my clothing inside with trembling hands.

Do you think you can really handle independence?

Chris's voice echoed in the recesses of my mind, causing me to swallow hard. I had a little in savings. I could hide in a hotel or something until I got my job back.

I might look weak and puny, but I was not a coward, and I was resilient. I was fine. Maybe I should call Aunt Garnet? Surely she would know what to do...

"Joey?" The handle rattled, but I didn't answer.

Theo banged on the door, a sudden urgency tinting his actions. I bit my lip, finally zipping up the bag, and slinging it over my shoulder. I carefully steeled my face, putting a blank expression on, and getting ready to march out the door.

I knew I wasn't planned. I knew I was a burden wherever I went, so really, I was just doing them a favor...

Michael could have his room back. They wouldn't have to worry about doctor visits, medicine, diets, or anything like that anymore. They wouldn't have to tip toe around in their own home...

"Joey! Open the door!" Theo frantically ordered.

I bit my lip, feeling somewhat guilty. I mean...they had taken a complete stranger in...they'd given me a room, food, and even cuddles.

"Jay!" Theo all but wailed.

I heard thumping on the stairs, and then, suddenly the door was shaking. I watched open mouthed as the latch sprung open, the whole area around the lock mechanism being caved and shattered.

Theo looked white as a sheet, trembling and crying. Jay looked panicked, chest heaving, mouth pressed in a tight line. I only imagined how I seemed - standing in the middle of the room, a bag slung over my shoulder, eyes wide, face tight...

"W-what are you doing?" Theo quavered.

"I'm leaving," I firmly stated.

"Joey."

His voice was low, gravelly, demanding. The simple word had me stopping in my tracks just to look up at him.

"It's not safe. Not in the dark. The cold. Just one more night? You can leave in the morning if that's really what you want..." I could see the last part cut him like glass, making him wince.

I swallowed hard. Jayden was strange, but passionate. He was also correct. The timing wasn't exactly good...

"Okay. One more night..." I conceded.

But I was leaving in the morning.