RAYA ▸ SHADOW AND BONE

09 | power doesn't come without sacrifice

On her way back to her room after dinner the next night, Raya ran into Alina. She tried to remember that any animosity she felt towards the Sun Summoner was brought up by a jealous rage, nothing Alina had actually done.

"Raya," Alina called, smiling at her friend.

Raya offered her a gentle smile in return. "Hey. Are you just coming back from training?"

"With Baghra," Alina replied, rolling her eyes.

"It's not getting any better?"

Alina shook her head. "I'm trying to concentrate but I can't seem to call my power all that well. I think I need an amplifier."

To that, Raya went tense. Had Alina gotten around to reading the Istorii Sankt'ya the Apparat had gifted her? Did she know Morozova's Stag was an amplifier?

"I don't know anyone who's ever had an amplifier," she mused. "Do you know of one you could use?"

Alina shook her head, frowning. "Not yet. But I'm hoping Aleksander––General Kirigan––can help me find one."

Now, the fire in Raya's eyes was blazing. What had she just called him?

Alina followed Raya to her room, despite the latter Grisha fuming on her way in, barely trying to hide it. "Can I ask you something?" Raya turned to her, curious. "Do you remember the first day you and the General brought me here? We stopped by a riverbank and you two mentioned you'd tried to destroy the Fold before. What did you mean?"

Raya sighed, now feeling absolutely exhausted upon recalling the memory. "I tried once," she told Alina in confidence. "And failed miserably. The General thought that if I could touch people and force them to follow my orders, maybe I could do the same with the Fold; it seemed to act on its own will, anyhow."

She shut her bedroom door, going to remove her kefta and pull up her shirt to show Alina the scar running along her back up to her shoulder blade. She could hear the Sun Summoner softly gasp as she saw the mark, bringing a hand up to her mouth.

"When I went in and tried, one of the volcra attacked me... dug its claw into my back and dragged it along my spine. Two inches to the left and I would've lost movement below my waist." She dropped the fabric of her shirt until it covered her back again and turned once more to the Etherealki. "We've all sacrificed things to try and destroy the Fold. You're not the first one who's felt the pressure of trying to better our world, and you certainly won't be the last."

"How do I deal with it? Deal with all of it––the pressure, the training, the expectations?"

"You toughen it out," Raya advised. "That's what the rest of us did. We toughened it out, grew thicker skin, and now look at us. We're the best trained and most powerful people in the world. That kind of power and prestige doesn't come without sacrifice. I'm saying this as your friend, Alina: you must decide soon. Decide whether you want to go back to your old, simple life or go down in the history books alongside the rest of us."

That seemed to be all the advise Alina could handle for one night. She nodded her head, clearly digesting the words Raya had thrown her way and made her way out of the room, back to her own in the opposite wing.

Raya tiredly sighed, flopping back onto her bed. While Callus slept soundly beside her, she recalled that the winter fête was coming up. The carnival always lightened her spirits; perhaps this year, they would continue to do so. Whilst trying to find sleep, she recalled her first winter fête at the Little Palace; that was when herself and General Kirigan had truly bonded for the first time.

She stared out her window, watching the brightly colored carnival tents being set up on the grounds beside the garden. In the countless weeks that had passed since her arrival at the palace, Raya had barely touched into her power. She would spent herself and her energy trying to force Fedyor to pass her a glass.

The Heartrender had graciously offered to help Raya practice her mind-bending. He took note of her the first day she arrived; she looked like she needed a friend and he was happy to be that for her.

Fedyor and Genya were the only close friends she'd made since her arrival. She wasn't much of a talker but lucky for her, her two friends knew how to get her to open up. She was glad for their presence; she wasn't sure she'd have survived for so long had they not been there for her.

"Admiring the carnival set up?" A voice broke through the silence in her room, making Raya's head snap to the opened door of her bedroom, where the Darkling stood.

For once, he wasn't dressed in his black kefta or regal ensemble. He wore a simple pair of baggy pants, perfect for sparring, and a white button up. His hair hadn't even been gelled or cut in a few weeks, allowing it to grow to the nap of his neck in natural waves. He looked youthful and innocent. Raya barely recognized him.

His look, and the grin he shot Raya when she jumped at his voice, indicating he'd caught her by surprise, warmed her heart. "I know I had to sacrifice some things to be here... I'm just happy that the carnival troupes feel like I've got a bit of home with me," she revealed to him, taking a seat by her window.

The Darkling joined her. "What do you mean?"

"I used to see the carnival carriages around Kerch right around this time of year. They were getting ready to leave for the Little Palace, for the winter fête. It's just weird being on the other side of it now..."

"I know what you mean," he thoughtfully said.

"You do?"

The Darkling nodded. "There were carnival troupes where I grew up as well. The whole town would get together to bid them adieu on their way to the palace. I have to say, sometimes I wish I was back on that side of it all."

"Me, too," Raya sighed, playing with her fingers until she felt the General reach out and hold her hand in his own. He squeezed them in support, making Raya offer him a soft, genuine smile. "I suppose we should be joyful. Genya says it was the most lavish party of the whole year."

"It's the best waste of time of the whole year," General Kirigan corrected, making Raya snort. "Not the performers; they make it quite bearable. But, the attendees––the royals and upper class... I would rather spend my night with the horses they rode here on."

Raya laughed again. "How about a pact?" she offered, reaching a hand out. "I'll keep you company at the fête so you can avoid the attendees and you make sure none of them ask me to demonstrate my power... I don't want to be part of the entertainment."

The General smiled at her, reaching over to happily shake her hand. "I'd like that very much."