the shadows ballad ° kaz brekker

chapter 4

chapter 4:
lost.
Nyx

"You'd think as a Shadow Summoner, you'd have a way across the Fold."

"I told you, I ran through it. I found a way to use my shadows to shield myself from the volcra," I replied to Kaz, who was getting increasingly more annoying as he kept asking how I got across the Fold.

"And you can do that to all of us."

I rolled my eyes, "No! I've only done it once, Kaz! And it was a stupid thing to do if it didn't work."

"But it did."

"I can't do that to all of us," I tried explaining to him, my voice turning commanding and I hated it but it was the only way to get through his thick skull.

"If I make a mistake, we all die. And I'm not risking anyone's lives, especially yours," I finished, ready to just ignore him if he kept asking anymore questions.

You're the reason I'm still alive.

You're all the reason I'm able to still stand the thought that he's still alive.

Kaz just scanned the room, or atleast pretended to look away with his jaw clenched - clearly angry with me. But I only learned that trick minutes before I entered the Fold, as I'm a beacon to the volcra just as much as Kirigan is. I was lucky and I don't know if I'll ever be that lucky again.

"We should just-" But he cut me off by making a sign with his hand, nodding over to a girl playing cards.

Oh great.

Within seconds, she was ushered over to Kaz office and immediately started to defend herself from any accusations.

"I don't understand. I was not cheating."

"You've been here every night for a week. You don't play Makkers Wheel or Ratcatcher, only cards," He pointed out as he grabbed an extra stack from his safe, and I leaned against the wall.

"Because you keep track of what's played."

"Well, that is not cheating."

It really isn't.

I rolled my eyes and apparently, Kaz caught it. Having enough of me trying to protect my family, he huffed.

"Nyx, if you're not going to help, I suggest you stop rolling your eyes and leave," He told me in a stern and ticked off tone, to which I felt embarrassed how he called me out and scoffed.

"Call me when you realize I don't want to get my family killed."

And slammed the door.

I stomped through the entire Crow Club, not paying attention to the stares around me, and slammed the door when I got to my room. Only Jespee noticed my tantrum and immediately came to check on me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?" He asked, stepping into my room and so the door was left ajar.

"He's so infuriating sometimes! One moment, he's promising me that I can have my revenge, and we're having a moment, the next he's angry because I don't want my friends to die!" I expressed, wanting to yank my hair out of frustration.

"Wait, did you say you had a moment?"

I slumped against my chair, "is that all you got from that?"

"Of course not, but you never tell us anything that happens between you and Kaz. You're the only ones around eachother the most."

"That's because I'm the only Grisha here. He wouldn't risk losing his "most prized possession"," I mocked his words.

"He seriously called you that?" Jesper questioned.

"I don't understand him," I sighed.

"I'm grateful to him - to all of you, but I'm still a person and I feel like he tends to forget that with us. I'm not risking your lives based on the one lucky chance I had to cross the Fold, and he needs to understand that," Jesper sat on the edge of my bed, thinking about who knows what as I tried to calm myself.

"He can be a dick sometimes, but you know he's only doing it because he cares so much. Can't deny that," Jesper shrugged and unfortunately, I was in agreement with him.

He could atleast word things differently.

"Most prized possession".

I willingly stayed here!

"Maybe just try to get through to him? He's stubborn, sure, but there's nothing in this world that can make him hate you."

Eveb though I almost agreed with Jesper on that, a thought popped up and it made my skin crawl.

There's one thing.

But he'll never know.

No one will ever know.

///
They're gonna find out. Anyways, sorry for the late update, I was gonna write this chapter completely different and in Alina p.o.v., but that info will be saved for another time.
So does Kyx sound like a good ship name, or Naz?