the shadows ballad ° kaz brekker

chapter 14

CHAPTER 14:
Do it.
Nyx

"You and Nikolai planning on eloping? You know the Queen won't let that happen," Zoya threatened me as we made our way into town, the three thieves being reported to be here.

My family.

"I think you mean the King," I corrected her.

"So it's true then? You come back and you're handed the throne?" Her fists grew white as she clutched the reigns of her horse.

"No, of course not. I do care for Nikolai, but we mustn't rush this," Before I could go to the King and Queen, my father stopped me in my tracks. He demanded that I marry Vasily, and tell Nikolai that the plans were off. I defied him, but decided not to make any announcements yet.

I still want to make sure that. . .

That they don't need me anymore.

I held in my tears at the thought that they really didn't want to look for me, not that they didn't have time. I've been with them for so long, and I feel like they just left me there.

And I also wanted reassurance that Kaz didn't feel the same way so I could move on with the engagement.

Move on with the engagement?

Or move on emotionally?

My eyes widened when an explosion went off, scaring some of our horses and I immediately jumped off of mine.

"Jesper," I whispered, running off into the crowds to see if I could spot any of them.

"Nyx!" Ivan called out.

"One of them went that way. And your fathers after him too," Ivan told me, obviously oblivious to where my loyalties lie.

I quickly nodded and made my way into a series of alleyways, my heart pounding at the thought of actually seeing him again.

I didn't know whether to be angry at him and scream for leaving me behind, knowing just how terrifying it was for me to be back at that place. Or to bring up the possibility of being with him, and if he did return those feelings, what then? Would we have to run for the rest of our lives?

No.

I'd just have to kill Aleksander.

Hearing a foot scraping the ground, I hurried my footsteps and turned the corner to see him.

Kaz.

"Kaz."

"Nyx," He stood there, in shock.

Don't be an idiot.

We don't have time for this.

"Why did you leave me there? You know how scared I was returning to the palace, and I have to find out from my father that you've all left?" I asked, and he seemed ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I tried to go back in, I needed to know that you weren't. . .that you weren't dead. Or, if you were, to at least know," He explained, "but an old woman insisted I leave."

"Baghra?"

"Yes," It didn't make sense that she would tell him to leave, but then again, she knows of my feelings for him and probably knew it best that he lived rather than my father find him and kill him.

"Do you still want me?" I asked, ready to join them again.

"I always will," He admitted, making my heart skip a beat.

Ask him.

Do it.

"Kaz Brekker, if you don't feel the same way, then I'm to go back and become Queen of Ravka and kill my father. Someone has to be on that throne, and I don't trust anyone else to do it. But if you love me, then I'll leave it all. I'll never look back, and I'll spend everyday making sure that you're happy and that we never have to look back. I love you, Kaz Rietveld."

I laid it all out there, waiting for him to say anything to me - even if it breaks my heart.

"I would rather you live your life in a castle where your husband can shower you with jewels and everything the world can offer. You shouldn't have to wait for someone who cannot even stand the thought of being touched," He explained.

"That's just it. I've had that, and I hate it. I have all the time in the world, but I'd rather spend those days working to where you can hold my hand. I don't want to see the world with a prince, I want to await the day that you can feel enough love and happiness that you wrap your arms around me, and experience your own warmth. I don't care how long it takes because I want to spend everyday with you knowing that I'm loved for eternity, and that one day, I get to kiss you and call you mine and you can call me yours. Forever," I confessed, getting closer to him and I could see that he didn't want to show the tears he was holding back.

"Are you sure?"

I smiled, "no one could ever make me happier."

"How sentimental."

And just like that, I had the world in my hands and I was ready to protect it with my own life.

And it was ripped away from me.

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KANYX IS SAILING!!
Unfortunately, not quite yet. Aleksander was listening in and decided that he wasn't going to try and trust Nyx anymore, and that she couldn't have happiness if he couldn't either.