XOXO || NONGKUN/KUNNONG

0428

Admission exams are near. I'm at the peak of my anxiety and I can't think clearly.

I've read so many books I can't even remember if words have a meaning or if they just exist.

I feel like that too. I read, and I write and I repeat and nothing makes sense anymore. I don't make sense anymore.

I know grades really don't matter to me, but they do to the world. There are no choices for me. I can't lie in bed and breath until I stop. I have to recharge with tons of cheap coffee and chocolate bars and keep going, even if I don't know where will I end up.

I've been stuck in the library for days, the far study rooms being my hideout both for privacy and for the quiet I wanted to force myself to focus in. And for a few days, I felt content in my isolation. But I wasn't actually in isolation.

I heard you sing yesterday.

I was falling asleep with the air conditioner lulling me when I heard a hum, a simple melody filling the room. It was low at first, steady and unconscious. I couldn't recognize who it was, since a wall was blocking my view of the study room next to mine. And then you sang. And I knew it was you.

Who else would sing as easy and unrestricted as you do it?

Your voice was almost like a whisper and I could only hear it due to the lack of people in the hallway. You sang bits and pieces of songs I recognized and some I didn't, threading them as if they were one. Which they became, after you tied them together.

I fell asleep because of it.

When I woke up, a librarian was shaking me, telling me they were about to close.

I didn't mind. It was the best sleep I've had in a while.

It's funny how I find you when I'm not looking for you.

Thank you. I owe you four hours of rest on a cold table and a few lullabies.

xoxo