XOXO || NONGKUN/KUNNONG

0603

Chances come and go, but coincidences follow you.

When I see you standing alone on the sidewalk, I have the chance to get close to you. But I don't. And that's a chance I lose.

But coincidences...

Every day I hear you in the hallways I am about to walk, and I see you surrounded by people that keep you as the center of their life and universe. Around every corner, there's a hint of you and I'm kinda tired of being surrounded by things of you, but not being able to be with you as I would like to.

There was one time, though, where I didn't see you alone or surrounded.

You were walking out of a study room in the library. With Zhengting.

I told you you should go out with him, but I never thought you would do it in private. I know Zhengting is a show-off and a proud man, so I never considered something like this. You were fixing your clothes and looked as if you had run a marathon. And you might as well have.

You are lucky. It could have been anyone who walked in on you, but it was me.And I wanted to let you know I turned around as soon as I saw you for two reasons.

First, because Zhengting knows me and I didn't want you to hear my name from him. And second, because if you want to keep this side of you hid from the others, then who am I to deny you that? I'm not heartless, so please don't think I will tell someone what I saw. I pretended it never happened.

If this hadn't happened, I would have never learned the important lesson I learned that day. The letters are for me. I keep thinking of you every time I write them, but at the end, you are not the one who reads them. It's me. And I keep replying to them because that's what I wished from you, which is wrong, because you don't owe me anything. I am who is burdening you after all, so it's not in me to demand you an answer.

You're my inspiration, but nothing else. And I should stop blurring the lines I wished didn't exist, because neither of us deserves this. You don't deserve anyone requiring your attention or affection when they must earn it. You're not obliged to love or like anyone, and I finally understood that.

I also don't deserve to be liked by someone forced into that. I deserve someone who sees me for who I am, and not for something they are being told they must do because they know my feelings and it would be cruel of them to not give them back.

We are nothing. And these letters mean nothing.

I like you and I like the idea of you. And I should stop writing these and let the idea of you go. You are in other people's minds. You don't need someone like me, who likes you and now is thinking about not liking you.

xoxo