FINDING ROOTS - A NOVELLA

You

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Who knows me better than my baby?
Who could ever love me like he does?
Oh, I can't even imagine it
This one is mine, forever and always
Don't you worry, sugar
I'll be yours too, forever and always
~ Alisha E.
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God strikes again. Or was that the universe? Life? Lucifer himself? Ruelle couldn't quite answer that question. As she prayed that the news she just heard wasn't true, she wondered who or what exactly she was begging for mercy.

Perhaps if she knew, she could pray directly to them and ask them to change her fate. Because Ruelle was a strong woman, but there was only so much she could take.

So, hoping her ears deceived her, Ruelle mumbled, "I'm sorry, can you please repeat that?"

The older woman before her smiled kindly. "Don't panic, sweetheart. I didn't say it's impossible. I'm just saying that with your heart condition and the usual setbacks of age, a pregnancy would be very hard on your body. Now, your eggs are still healthy and plenty. It's just your body I am worried about. Late pregnancies also come with risks for the child. I wasn't worried before, and I'm not right now, but if you do want a child, sooner would be better than later."

Ruelle already knew it would be harder for her to conceive at her age. She knew a late pregnancy came with some risks. Yet, she had never accounted for her barely-there heart condition.

She'd joked that she had a frail heart, and while that was true, she was as healthy as can be. It wasn't a concern.

Only, she now learned that it was.

She finished up with her doctor on autopilot, and she unconsciously decided to drive to Zachari's place instead.

As she used her key to open his door, she wondered if she should tell him. He already had trauma attached to high-risk pregnancies. What would he think of her?

They hadn't really talked about kids. She had told him she wasn't ready, and truth be told, she still wasn't. It seemed life wanted to force her hands, but would he be willing to have a child with her? Especially after knowing that she and the child would be at risk during the pregnancy?

Did she even really want a child?

Zachari wasn't home, so she took the time to wallow in her misery. As time passed, she grew angrier.

Ruelle had never been one to give in to rage, but today, she couldn't help it. By the time Zachari got home, Ruelle was angry, and she couldn't even remember why.

He was surprised to see her, but he merely smiled and kissed her cheek. When she didn't move her eyes from the wall she was staring at, he concluded that something was wrong.

"Rue. What's wrong?"

When she snapped her head towards him, he saw the brew of emotions in her eyes. "Oh, pretty girl. Tell me what's wrong."

His gentle words made her cry, and that made her madder. Why in the world was she crying?

"I think life hates me. Or maybe you? I mean, we're both getting punished, so probably both of us."

Zachari was confused by her preface, but he stayed quiet and let her vent.

"I took my merry ass to my semiannual check-up. I should've known something would've gone wrong when it started raining. S-she basically said I'd have a hard time having kids even though my eggs are healthy and well. Cause of my heart? And my age? So um I might as well be barren."