Study Buddies// BILLIE EILISH

nine

Why does she always have to leave me a red and shaking mess?

"Cam!" I hear my sister from downstairs.

I groan and get up from my desk to go see what she so desperately needs me for. As I make my way downstairs, I see Billie standing next to a fuming Bailey. Billie sends me a tight-lipped smile and I return it. 

Bailey gestures to the girl next to her, "This her?" she says, not caring who hears.

I turn red and look over at Billie who smirks. great. 

"Yes, Bailey, please let her go home and eat dinner with her family."

Bailey sends me a glare and says, "Okay you can go, Billie, I will finish this conversation with Cam," as she waves her hand towards the door, her eyes not leaving me.

Billie saunters over to the door and opens it, but before she exits she grins and says one last thing, "Bye, kitten." She chuckles as she shuts the door.

I melt a little on the inside when Bailey speaks, "Damn, that chick really has you wrapped around her finger."

"Shut the fuck up, Bailey," I retort.

"Oh, so that's where Bailey gets her potty mouth from," I hear my mom from the kitchen.

"Sorry, Mom" I say as I walk into the kitchen, Bailey close behind me.

My dad thankfully interrupts before my mom can get on my ass, "dinner will be ready in 5 minutes, so just take seat at the table since you are already out here."

"K," Bailey and I say in unison. 

We sit and have a normal dinner with some small talk and mostly silence. This is usually how  dinner goes. I once again did not share much about my day. Pretty soon my parents are going to get suspicious so I am going to have to think of an excuse for my lack of stories.

 I finish eating as quickly as possible so I can try to finish Billie's essay by tonight. It's fun pretending to be Billie writing an essay about herself. I guess I just like it because it means I can think about her more. 

"Thank you for making dinner, Dad" I say.

He smiles, "Of course, I'm glad you liked it"

Bailey and I make our way upstairs and I try to pry away from her before she can ask me about Billie but I fail.

"Did she hurt you again?" She asks, sounding worried.

I sigh, "Yes, Bailey, but it was only because I ticked and she thought I was challenging her"

Bailey crosses her arms, "That's not an excuse."

"Sure it is. She didn't know. And now she does, so.."

She uncrosses her arms and takes a deep breath, "I am trying really hard not to get mad, Cameron."

"I know, Bailey, and I really appreciate it. Just bare with me, okay?" I look into her eyes for conformation.

"Okay."

We go our separate ways into our rooms and I make my way to my desk to finish up Billie's essay. It's was really sweet how she talked about her family and I loved listening to her voice. She looked so happy when she mentioned Finneas. It warmed my heart. She feels less intimidating when she talks about him, like she's 5 years old again and he's nine, teaching her the guitar. I forgot to be nervous for a little while there and it was amazing.

As I write I can't stop thinking about today. I just loved hanging out with her so much. It was exhilarating and scary and fun. I haven't had fun in a while. Not real fun anyway. I hope I get to see her more often, and I hope she wants to see me too.

By the time I finished and read over it, it was pretty late, so I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for bed. As I was undressing and taking off my rings I thought about when you told me you "like [me] in that little outfit." It sends butterflies all through me every time I think about it. I felt so cute after you said that. When I finished cleaning up, I went back to my room to write in my Journal:

Dear Billie, 

Yes, I am writing to you again, but I just can't stop thinking about you. Today I had to talk to you during school three times! All of which, I started the conversation. It was so scary but thrilling at the same time and I am soooo proud of myself.

I feel like I am addicted to you. (a/n: if you ever feel that way about someone, especially if they don't like you back, do not let it go on. spare yourself. I speak from experience. this is just for the purpose of the story) I feel like you are good for me, like you are teaching me a lesson. I already feel more confident talking to people. Not you though, you're still scary as fuck.

UGGGHH it was sooo embarrassing when Bailey made you stay and asked if you were "her". I feel like she did that on purpose to embarrass me. And the way you smirked! Girl, I am sorry you had to see that. And I'm a little mad at you for calling me kitten in front of my sister. She's gonna hold that over me forever.

I know you said you wouldn't out me at the cafe but I have every reason to doubt you. But somehow I don't. I completely trust you. I'd probably let you blindfold me and drive me to the middle of the forest at midnight and feel safe. I don't know why though because you are clearly capable of hurting me. You don't though. Like yeah you choked me but you could have choked me and punched me or something. Or you knocked me to the ground but you could have kicked me or something and you didn't. It's like you do just enough to establish dominance but nothing more.

I need to stop reading so much into this and go to bed. Goodnight.

-Cam

I get into bed and pull the warm covers over me. I fall asleep thinking about the beautiful angel that is Billie.