Study Buddies// BILLIE EILISH

nineteen

Her soft lips brush against my ear as she whispers, "so it's easier for me to fuck you."

I bite my lip as I feel butterflies travel through my body and Billie pushes me back, her fingers still around my neck. A smile creeps up her lips as she sees my bottom lip between my teeth. 

Her fingers around my neck tighten as she pulls her cheek between her teeth in thought. Meanwhile, I'm just standing there in her grip trying not to look too scared.

I am wondering what she must be thinking in order to completely zone out while closing off my airway. 

I sure know what I'm thinking.

Lemme just say, waterfall.

 Her eyes flicker down to my lips but I then see her completely look away from me for a moment.

"Okay, so I wrote in your journal," she says, looking back into my eyes.

I nod my head, but only a little bit, my movement still restricted by her hand.

"Read it. When I leave." Her eyes dart away, but return almost immediately, "I'm leaving right now by the way." she takes her hand off of me and I take in a breath.

She walks downstairs, picks up her bag and looks up at me, "See ya."

"Bye, Billie."

She opens the door and briskly walks out.

Damn she has a sexy walk.

Once she leaves, I turn around and walk back to my room where my journal sits, awaiting me. I carefully open it, flipping to the page I wrote on Monday, the first day Billie spoke to me.

She's written different things in blue pen, responding to each and every part of the passage, like she did earlier today with me. Lot's of 'cuteee's and 'I love it's sprinkled everywhere.

I check each entry and find similar things, blushing at her little captions. 

This is adorable.

I finally make it to the last and most important page, the one she wrote a letter in. As I turn the page, I look away for a moment, taking a deep breath.

She seemed so nervous when she asked me to read it. What could she have to say?

I peer down at the page before me and read:

Dear Cameron,

"AAAAAAHHHH," I yell, and look away before looking back, "Okay, I shall continue."

Heyyyy, it's Billie. You are sitting next to me in class right now and your face looks sooo cute, the way you are gently biting the end of your pen in thought. I don't know how you focus on this stuff, it's soooo boring.

I find myself cheesing hard reading this.

So anyway, the letter. Well first off, I just want to say that I knowww I probably shouldn't have stolen this thing but look, I already knew half the shit in here (you don't hide your thoughts very well) and, well, it IS addressed to me. So I should be allowed to read it.

I roll my eyes playfully and keep reading, my cheeks hurting from smiling.

I'm gonna leave little captions in here for you to read, and you don't know this but oooohhhh boyy are we gonna talk about this. The most fun I have is when I am making you blush. I wanna make you blush, and make you feel special. You deserve it, cute ass.

I guess another reason I stole this is because I have some things to say, and I don't know how to say them. You see, I have never had feelings for someone before. Like I've fucked people and done some shit, but never butterflies in my tummy, sparkles in my heart, kind of feelings.

That's how I feel about you, Cameron. 

You make my heart sparkle.

"Oh my god," I squeal in excitement, "EEEEEEEEEE"

GODDD that sounds so soft... but it's true!

So anyway, you're probably reading this in your room right now, smiling super big and giggling 'n shit which is fine, but like try not to be too awkward tomorrow. It's gonna rub off on me.

Or maybe do be awkward. Then I can like be dominant 'n shit and feel less nervous. God, why am I writing this in pen? I would have erased that.

I get why you write the things you do in here, it's like this book sucks all your thoughts out of you.

Kay, lemme stop.

I want you on your front porch in the morning when I pick you up. Don't be late. 

She left her number at the bottom of the page with a message on the side that says: Don't be scared to text me first, baby ;)

I blushed a little and pulled out my phone, making a contact.

Should I text her tonight?

I presume she means tonight. She'd probably make fun of me tomorrow morning if she picked me up and I hadn't texted her yet.

Oh god, I hate texting though.

I decide to just call her.

Or is that too forward? Like maybe she's too tired to actually talk?

And I guess if I'm calling her then I might as well facetime her, right? And facetiming her would be weird so I should really just text her.

God this stuff is confusing. I bet she doesn't even care what I do.

What if she's waiting for me to text her right now? What if she's thinking about me?

I cannot believe she likes me back. Bailey was wrong as fuck.

Wait, Bailey! Oh my god I can just ask her!

Right on cue, I hear the door unlock and Bailey shout, "Here! With Mom and Dad!"

I jump off my bed and make sure the reddness in my cheeks has subsided before heading downstairs.

a/n:

where are y'all from? I'm genuinely curious. You can be vague, idc.