ꜱᴋᴀᴛᴇʀ ʙᴏʏ ➵ 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘯 ✔️

꒦꒷🦩⸃ⵓ'∅𝄄❨🍬❩thirteen.

i traced my fingers through the lines of ivory and ebony of the page. my eyes flickered from one word to the next, absorbing the information like a sponge. the storyline had sucked me in, and the choice of words was what had enticed me deeper. i couldn't put the book down, i was ensnared in it, i'd lost track of the time spent pouring over its pages. 

the doorbell brought me back to reality with a crash, jolting me awake. 

my heart went into overdrive, my chest constricting around it, too small to contain its thumping. i gasped and fell off the sofa to the ground, my head spinning and my mind racing. 

 chan said to answer to no one, except friends. 

maybe it was felix and jisung. 

maybe i was worrying for nothing. 

but maybe it was yoo—

no. 

i took a deep breath and slowly walked over to the curtains to peep at who had rung the bell. 

my heart's pace returned to a serene one after i saw the dark-haired male at the door, a bag of groceries in arm, his school bag in the other. 

"thank god," i breathed as i opened the door for him. 

"are you that glad to see me?" he teased, raising a cocky eyebrow in my direction. 

"shut up," i rolled my eyes and stepped  aside for him to come in. 

"chan explained everything, so i brought you some food," he set the bag down on the kitchen counter. 

"oh...thanks," i stared inquisitively at him, "i didn't know you spoke to chan..."

"i don't really, but we know each other through friends of friends. i've seen him before at a couple of parties, been to his a few times...we've met here and there, but i wouldn't say we're besties."

"yeah..." 

"is there anything else?" after seeing his confused look, i went on, "that...you needed, you know, whilst you're here."

"i wanted to check on you," he sorted through the brown paper bag and pulled out all sorts of food and snacks. 

"why would you want to do that? i mean, we barely know each other," i laughed a little nervously, licking my cracked lips.

hyunjin backed away from the counter, his hands raised and a little "oh" making its way past his own lips. "i'm sorry," he rubbed his nape with a  limp hand, "i didn't mean to intrude or anything."

"no, i didn't mean it that way!" i babbled, words stumbling out of my mouth, "i was just wondering, why would you want to be my friend? you're really helping just out of the kindness of your heart?"

"i have no hidden intentions, if that's what your worried about," he replied quickly, his hands out as if to swear an oath, "and i'm helping you out today because both felix and jisung are on a double date with my friends, and they tried to hook me up with some girl," he shook his head in disgust and continued, "i'm not the kind of person to use someone."

"oh. is that because—

"i'm not interested in girls," he combed his fingers through his hair, looking at me dead in the eyes, "because i'm gay. but they don't know that."

i nodded, fiddling with the sleeves of my shirt, "that's cool—i mean, not that your friends don't know. sorry," i sighed, "i don't know what i'm saying anymore. i-i don't really know what i am, i just...i am who i am and i don't really worry about labels. but um...in case your friends are wondering, felix is bi, but leaning more towards men, and jisung is gay."

"that's good to know," hyunjin straightened his beanie and shuffled his weight from one foot to another, "would you like some help with all that?" 

i pointed at the groceries, "these? oh, thanks."

together, we unpacked the bag and placed all the food in the cupboards or in the fridge. occasionally, his hand would brush against mine and send icy shivers and sparks of electricity trickling down my spine, squeezing my heart ever tighter. whenever our eyes met, he would offer me a little smile of reassurance, which i'd gladly mirror, then look down, flustered. 

"you okay? you seem...distracted," hyunjin searched my gaze, and i let my eyes flicker up to his. 

"i-i'm fine," i lied through my teeth, flashing a bright grin. 

"mmhm," he nodded, unconvinced, folding the paper bag into the recycling bin. 

"can you show me the homework we have to do? i really don't want to get behind," i desperately tried to change the subject. 

he completely ignored me, scrutinising the kitchen floor, deep in thought. 

"hyunjin?"

"that's me," his head snapped up and he stared at me through the strands of hair framing his face. he had such sharp yet smooth features, cat-like eyes and full brows. and don't get me started on those lips: those plump rosy cushions could—

"sweet pea?"

"y-yeah?" i flicked my hair out of my eyes with a cold finger. 

"can i give you a hug?"

i blinked, startled by his sudden request. 

"you look like you need one," he paused, then straightened himself up a little, "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have asked you that—

"no! don't worry about it, i was just a little surprised," i shuffled my socks across the oak floor and he engulfed me into a  hug. 

i was swimming in his warmth, his arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders. i breathed in his scent quietly, my head resting against the crook of his neck. he reached up and patted my hair, almost massaging my scalp. i could just melt right there, in his arms, my heart building up more and more pressure. i was afraid of letting go, of the day it would all come gushing out of me. i was scared of the person i'd become. i was afraid of being weak, and being used because of my weakness. i just wanted to stay right here, in his arms, forever. but forever would never be long enough. nothing stays the same, and one day i'll have to let go. 

hyunjin rubbed my back and pried himself out of my grasp, grinning sheepishly. 

"i'm sorry to ditch you like this, but i've got to get back home," he squeezed my shoulder and walked towards the front door, "is that okay with you? do you need me to stay for a little longer?"

"i-i'm fine, don't worry about me," i breathed, another lie escaping my lips, and i slipped my fingers back into the sleeves of my sweater. 

"i guess i'll see you tomorrow," he winked and threw down his skateboard onto the pavement, rolling away before i could even say "bye". 

꒦꒷🦩⸃ⵓ'∅𝄄❨🍬❩

heyyy 

wassuuuuuuuuuup 

i'm the mafia mamafiyaya  we do it like the mafia 

how are my favorite humans? 

i'm doing okayyy

or am i 

lmao hyunjin may or may not have made me sob because of his talent 

i mean what can i say, my daily dose of the psycho fan cam and the eilish dance cover just are the purest form of art and it gets me every time 

anyways brb imma go watch it again