Everything I Do, I Do For You

Chapter 18

He hadn't gone to see her that next day. Or the day after that. In fact Kellan Butler stayed in his home for nearly a whole week before he had even considered going to see her again.

It wasn't that he had given up on her. He was far from letting Belinda Bassett out of his sights. No, instead, he needed to work out the best way to apologize. He didn't need her to take him back. He knew that she would be perfectly within reason to never want to see him again. But he had to make their last moments together something slightly better.

He couldn't write, that had not worked out well for him the first time. No he'd need something different, Money or gifts wouldn't be of any use to her either, at least for the time being. No, he needed something tangible but impactful. He nearly walked the entire length of his home trying to come up with the perfect way to apologize

"The shoes!" His problem was solved while he took dinner that evening. He could bring them back tonight.. Perhaps tomorrow, no one wanted late night and very unexpected guests. They were a tantalizing tribute to their time together, but to keep them surely would make her believe that he kept them as some trophy for his ability to win the bet.

Without finishing his dinner, he headed back to his office, where her shoes lay delicately on the desktop. He picked them up and whispered, "I am so sorry to have let you down", squeezing them against his chest. Tomorrow, he told himself, he would drop them off and apologize. He wouldn't bother trying to elaborate on anything, fearing that would sting more.

Kellan had never felt a feeling like this before. Of course it had hurt when he had lost his father and brother, but losing Belinda felt differently awful. Losing his father and brother felt like the past was sealed behind him. All the great moments they had shared together, now only memories. When it came to losing Belinda, he felt like he was losing his future too. Maybe it was just who she was, but when he was with her, he didn't feel the need to be as rowdy as he usually was. The Kellan Butler he was when Belinda Bassett was around was the kind of man worthy of an earldom. Thinking about it now, he didn't know if he could be that Kellan Butler again.

After returning the shoes, Kellan would return back home. Scotland, his true home. Although he was leaving the season unfulfilled, he was a little bit happy to be returning to Lily and his sister in law Alice. He would treat them as a sort of study, to see how one should behave around women. He'd take notes and then return to London the next season all the more ready. But he would tell them that was what he was doing. He had learned that keeping secrets could be one of the worst things a man could do, and this time he would not repeat his actions.

"Edwin," he called for the one true friend, if he could even call him that, he had made while here, "I am headed back to Wexford manor tomorrow."

"I see. Shall I have your bag packed for you?"

"Yes. But also. I wanted to say thank you for always listening to me."

"Well you do pay me to do that,sir." Edwin answered.

"Yes but not like that, understand? You helped me with Miss Bassett, and even though things did not go well for me, you have always been there to help out."

"You are welcome sir." Edwin replied, nodding, "Now I will go alert the rest of the house that you will be returning home soon."

"Thank you." Kellan said, "I really mean it."