The Bargain

Crushed

"Hello Ren", Hux said, looking up when Ren entered his rooms. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

He tried to tell his heart that there was absolutely no reason to beat quicker. Tried to silence that strange feeling in his stomach that was somehow connected with Ren. There was no reason at all to get excited. Their next scheduled meeting was four cycles away so there was no need to behave anyway else than professionally.

Except Ren apparently hadn't got the memo. He walked over to him and bowed down to kiss his neck. That spot of course that immediately caused a reaction in the lower regions of Hux's body. It hadn't always been that way. For a long time, touches of any kind had done nothing for him. If at all he had found them annoying. But since their last encounter that had changed. His body had come to like Kylo's touch, to crave it even.

It was deeply unnerving.

"Ren, what is it?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even. "As you can see I am working and I really need to concentrate."

"Are you implying that I'm distracting you?" The low rumble of Ren's voice made Hux's cheeks turn warm and he only hoped it didn't show.

He still had no idea where Ren thought this whole ... thing between them was going to lead or what it was supposed to be. He had asked Ren a few times and Ren had insisted that he liked him.

That was completely ridiculous of course. He was not someone you "liked". Not even his own father had been fond of him and to be honest, Hux was almost glad about that. People feared him, some admired him or despised him, and more than he would have liked looked down on him. But no one had ever liked him. So, Ren had to be wrong or he was deliberately lying to Hux.

He had spent many sleepless resting cycles contemplating this situation with Ren. Sometimes it made his head hurt and he took a tranquilizer shot just to keep himself from thinking.

Why was Kylo doing this to him?

At first it had seemed almost logical. Ren apparently had his needs and it made sense to experience intimacy with someone who was on a similar level and less likely to brag about it. On the other hand, being intimate with someone made Kylo Ren vulnerable. Hux had always thought that Ren still didn't trust him, but when they slept together it seemed as if Ren let his guards down. At first Hux had thought that maybe Kylo wanted to test his loyalty by sleeping with him. To find a reason to finally get rid of him.

Well, Hux was not going to give him one. Yes, he had at some point thought that killing Kylo Ren was his best option and crucial for the First Order. Right after Snoke's death he had thought that he would have to find a way to get rid of the new Supreme Leader and take his place for the good of the Order.

Somewhere along the way his estimation had changed, and he was now sure that the Order desperately needed Kylo Ren.

"Or maybe you desperately need him", a voice inside his head whispered.

Hux swallowed hard. That wasn't true of course. He didn't need anyone and certainly not this annoying, brooding man-child who still wasn't sure which side he belonged to.

"But he's so amazingly good to you." The voice wouldn't shut up. "He takes care of you."

This wasn't what this was about. Hux's own needs and desires only played a role in his life when they led towards his goal of becoming more powerful. Having someone take care of him and be gentle to him certainly wasn't important.

"Come on, stop thinking", Ren whispered and ran a hand through Hux's hair. "I can almost hear your mind reeling. You deserve a break. Let me be good to you."
Immediately all of Hux's alarm bells came to live with a deafening shrill. He didn't deserve this. He couldn't rest. There were fractions who wanted to harm the First Order, people even aboard this ship who thought him incompetent and wanted to get rid of him. He had to prove them wrong, had to work harder than any of them to defy them. There was no time for this.