The Bargain

Resolution

The next cycles felt like a complete blur to Hux. There had never been a time in his life when his work and his path to greatness had seemed less important to him and it terrified him. He had hoped that walking away from his relationship with Kylo would clear his head and make him functional again, but the opposite was the case.

There were things he just could not do anymore, because they reminded him of Kylo. Drinking tarine tea was one of them and he missed the taste and the calmness drinking it always brought him. Still he could not bring himself to brew it. He knew it was completely stupid and irrational, but he could not change it. Even going to bed had become a challenge, because his bedroom brought back memories of Kylo he desperately wanted to push to the back of his mind. And then of course there was the constant danger of meeting Ren on the bridge and for some reason that thought terrified him, left him almost unable to move.
Staying in his quarters of course was not an option. He had to be on his post, had to show his troops and his enemies that he was highly functional and in complete control. Nothing else was acceptable. He knew that by now Peavey had realized that something was wrong with him. He could feel his prying eyes on him right now as he was standing on the bridge, studying the read-outs of Mitaka's console without really grasping anything. It made him nervous and that distracted him even more. He had always been informed about everything going on aboard his ship and even though he had made mistakes he had still always thought of himself as capable of his position. Now however that had started to change.

He could feel Kylo's presence on the bridge before he even saw him. His shoulders tensed and his heart beat like a bird trying to fly out of his body. It made him feel almost light-headed and he hoped his reaction didn't show. He could feel the atmosphere on the bridge tense immediately and all he wanted to do was leave. But of course, that would have looked extremely weird to everyone.

"Supreme Leader", he greeted Ren with a nod and even though he was the one who had told Kylo he wanted to end everything he could feel poison running through his veins when Ren didn't even acknowledge him. There was such a pain in his chest he felt unable to breathe for a moment. This could not be normal. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

*

"Severe chest pain, headaches, confusion and loss of sleep is that right?" The medical droid asked.

Hux nodded, unable to speak because he felt so embarrassed. It had cost him so much effort to visit med-bay and only the knowledge that he owed it to his troops to be functional again had finally made him do it.

"I also can't eat", he added. "I've completely lost my appetite."

"Let me perform a full body scan and run some tests and see what we come up with." The droid sounded completely indifferent and Hux was thankful for that.
He was anxious while he was lying on one of the stretchers while the droids took blood samples, scanned him and ran some other tests. Hux almost wished that something was indeed wrong, because then he would not have to be ashamed for the way he felt. Being ill was a sign of weakness too, of course, and his father had always scolded him for being so weak and sickly. Not being functional because of his feelings however was on a completely different level.

He hoped there was medicine he could take or even surgery to make his problems go away.

"I have your results", the droid finally said after what felt like forever for Hux. He quickly sat up, trying not to seem too anxious.

"You show symptoms of broken-heart-syndrom."

Hux flinched as if the droid had punched him in the gut. If medical droids were even able to make fun of their patients he would have suspected that was what the droid was doing. But they weren't, and he had to assume he was completely serious.