Diary Of The Lovely Firework

Page 7

July 13, 2005

I love Gerard with all my heart but he needs help. Last night, after he consumed an unrealistic amount of alcohol he became depressed. Normally he's a happy drunk but not today. It was up to Frank and I to console him, but it tore us apart seeing the tears run down his cheeks.

"C'mon Gee" Frank cooed as he tried to pull the bottle away. "Let's go to bed"

Gerard slurred a bunch of curse words and something that sounded like 'I don't wanna', before throwing the half empty bottle at Frank. He ducked but I wasn't lucky enough to have cat like reflexes and the bottle smashed against his forehead.

"Fuck" I cried out as glass and beer spilled on my hoodie. Frank went to help me but Gerard began to walk away and Frank had to wrangle him and push him back onto the couch.

"You get him, I'll go get help for my head" I instructed and Frank obeyed.

As I walked out to the hallway I felt the thick stickiness on my forehead and looked at my red fingers to confirm I was bleeding.

I looked in the mirror to see the that I looked like I came out of a horror film. Blood came out of my temple and was dripping down my cheek and onto my sweater which was still soaked with smelly alcohol.

Both Ray and Bob were in their bunks, Ray somehow sleeping and Bob couldn't help either since he freaks at the sight of blood.

When I got to the Fall Out Boy bus, Patrick answered the door and screamed girlishly and proceeded to run to the bathroom and throw up. Thanks for the help Patrick. Pete was the only one to investigate since Andy and Joe were apparently over at their crews bus.

When he saw me he looked like he was going to have a heart attack. I'm pretty sure I was the only only one as allowed to be freaked out considering the giant hole in my head, yet I was the calmest.

"Are you gonna help or just stare at me?" I asked. Pete snapped out of it and rushed to my side, taking me to the couch and running around grabbing tissues and other first aid things. I answered the questions the best I could but by head ached and my mind felt fuzzy.

"Youre okay" he soothed himself more than me as he housed kissed the other side of my forehead. I laid my head on his shoulder, sleepily.

"Hey Mikes? Let's stay awake okay?" He urged

The next thing I knew I woke up to a beeping noise that hurt my ears and bright lights.

"Hey, how ya doing?" Pete asked.

I looked around to see a lot of white. "Where am I?" I asked.

"You got hit with a bottle and passed out" Pete explained. "youre at the hospital"

When I asked where the rest of my band was he explained that I didn't have to stay overnight and they were impatiently waiting back at the bus.

The doctor came in and took half an hour checking me over and concluded I could go back, I just had to wait for a nurse to bring in discharge papers.

While we waited for that, Pete and I shared the bed and watched south park on the small TV that hung over the sink.

I was so tired, I couldn't even keep my eyes open.

This morning I woke next to Pete in his bunk, who was petting my hair.

I groaned at the intense head pain and dug my nails into Pete's chest.

He gave me a pill and explained that he'd be covering my sets for the rest of the week so my concussion doesn't worsen. I tried to protest but he cut me off with a kiss.

"I need you healthy" he murmured against my lips and went back to kissing me.

I basically slept in his arms the rest of the day until six when he had to go play the two sets, which I couldn't even see since its too loud. As I wondered back to my bus I ran into Gerard who apologised way to much. I I told him that it was okay, not having the guts to ask him to get clean.

After I retreated to the bunks, writing once again.

The thing that gets me is "I need you to be healthy". Its like he's just saying "I love you" but not actually saying it.

That's the thing, we don't love each other. We like each other because we're afraid to admit that we love each other.

It's more like the summer of like instead of the summer of love for us. But really what more could I ask for? I have a person who cares for me and it feels great.

July 20, 2005

I got to finally play again but Pete was still worried I'd like, explode or something, so he sat on the amp, swinging his legs as he watched me play. But he didn't do much more so the fans wouldn't get sucpisious. He just sat there, happily, enjoying the warmth that radiated off the stage.

Needless to say, after the set we snuck off to the green room. He was careful not to bang me around to much. We care about each other and we want it to stay that way.

But we don't always get what we want.