Because not being sane makes my lungs breathable for a short time.

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*Flashback 1 year ago*

Kevin had me and Pax roped into some baseball outing with a couple more of his friends at an empty baseball court. Usually, I would avoid any outings that involve sports to hide from the possible public humiliation for my lack of skills, but my favourite people were there! What kind of person would say no to spending time with your crush and your friend at the same time?

The athlete had enough baseball equipment for the 3 of us, he said his family loved playing baseball so that was another reason why he invited us there instead of bowling or flower picking or anything.

I wanted to just watch by the sidelines in total content isolation away from others, but Kevin appeared to have other plans in his mind.

He tried to talking me into playing the batter role, but I attempted to decline by making excuses, which only fueled the athlete to persuading me further.

"But I...uh...don't know how to play baseball..."

"Is that it? You could've just said so! It's easy as dribbling a ball, come I'll show you."

"But I-" before I could say something else, he ran to my direction and pulled me up to my feet. The touch of his calloused hands on mine always make the butterflies in my stomach flutter, and my heart skipping. What happened next made my whole body on fire.

He gave me his baseball bat and taught me to swing properly...by getting behind me a little too close and held my hands against his, every new physical contact from made my body burning than it already was.

His body was muscled up from all the practices he had in the team, they were fast to act yet considerate, his hands try to be as gentle as they have my arms in their hold, and despite being the taller one, it felt as if Kevin had me under his wing and protectively embracing me.

Finally, after long lingering minutes of being extremely close together, he pulled away and went to his position while giving me a thumbs up for confidence before the game begins, I swear I thought he was smirking as he walked away...

After many failed swings to hit the ball, I finally nailed it!... but instead of the small globe like I should, it was my bat. I lost control of the wood and it fled off to the sky and down somewhere far in the bushes.

"You just sent your bat flying instead of the ball!" One of Kevin's friends sneered, making me blush in embarrassment and bowed down to the dirt, rubbing the back of my neck.

This is the mortification I dreaded for. Nothing new, public shaming was one of the common things I've experienced. But it hits different when Kevin is there to see it. 

Is he going to join them? I know there's a huge chance he won't, but it could still happen.

"Hey it's fine, it's just a rookie mistake. I'll go get it, don't start without me!"  the athlete shouts to everyone across the field, raising my head a little to his path and I see him giving me a comforting smile before running out of the meadow.

I waved at him as he disappears with a faint pink blush on my face.  

I stood still on my place as we wait for him, Pax walked towards me, holding their glove out. They were smiling knowingly at me.

"You know...you and Kevin, should just make it official." they said out of nowhere. Their comment made me jump stunned and drew back. "What now?"

Their blue eyes rolled, then came back to meet mine with a tint of playfulness. "Don't think I didn't sense the sexual tension between you two; the hands-on approach, the eye sex, the 'joking' teases...I've watched and read many romance book to know the erotic subtext going on."

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