Truly Yours

Imagination 5: The Confession

"Sivaangi, Ashwinnaiyum lunchkku koopittu irrukaalaamle?" Vishal asked.

Sivaangi shook her head and said, "No, he is probably busy with interviews and other things. So I did not want to put him in a spot by asking him to join us."

"Ashwin-mele unnakku irrukkura akkaraikku alave illai." Sivaangi knew Vishal was jesting with her and rolled her eyes at him.

They settled themselves in a private dining area at the café and ordered some food. Vishal noticed Sivaangi looking downcast.

Concerned, he asked, "Is everything okay? You don't seem to be yourself suddenly."

"I am okay. The long drive in the hot sun seems to have worn me out a little. Avalothaan." Sivaangi smiled.

Vishal had been suspecting for some time now that Sivaangi harboured feelings for Ashwin and was contemplating asking her about it when they met.

"Sivaangi, don't get offended by my question, okay. Do you have something going on for Ashwin?"

Sivaangi blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

"Ei! Naan rhombe decent-ah ketkuren, unnakku puriyalaiya?"

Sivaangi knew but continued her pretence. She wanted to divert the topic before Vishal started probing.

"Ennakku puriyale da. Enna something going on?"

"Ei! Ennakku unnai nalla theriyum. Nee thiru thirunnu mulichi ennai yemaathalaamnnu ninaikaathey. Ashwinney paatha odane unnoda mood ellam maariduchu. From the days leading to the last shoot till now, you have been a little sad and distant."

"Ayioh, athu onnum illai da. I am missing everyone very badly. Avalothaan. Ellarume oru familya pazhagittom. Niraiya nalla moments, ups and downs ellam onna experience pannomle. That's affecting me." Sivaangi hoped Vishal would accept her explanation which mainly was true.

"Athu ellam seri. I know how it feels when our show ends its run. Especially if we had formed friendships and invested our efforts and emotions. And I also know you are affected, but that's not my question. Unnakku Ashwin mela love-ah? Nee show-le pannathu ellam show kaaga mattumthaana? I am asking because I know my friend, Sivaangi. You are someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. And I have watched every episode and experienced your adulation for Ashwin. I had spoken with you after your shoots and heard you cry when Ashwin almost got eliminated. Ippokooda nee Ashwiney paathuttona mood-out aayitte."

"Athellam onnum illai da. Naanga nalla friends, just like you and me. Naanthaan sollurenle, I miss my show family, that's all. Ashwinney paathutona ennaku mood-out aagale. I didn't get proper sleep last night, and I was already feeling sad. On top of it, the heat is making me tired. Nee vera kelviyaa kettu thallure."

Just then, the waiter brought over the food items. After the waiter left, Sivaangi continued, "Vishal, nee rhombe yosikaathey. Over feelings udambbukku aagathu da."

"Okay, let's get to the point. You do not have any romantic feelings towards Ashwin, correct?

Should she share? Would Vishal disapprove and discourage? Would he think she wished for something out of her league? Would he make fun of her? Oh, God! What a predicament!

She was deep in her thoughts, pushing her food around her plate.

Several moments of silence passed without Sivaangi realising it.

"Sivaangi. Sivaangi."

Her train of thoughts was broken. "Sivaangi, unnoda mouname ennaku bathil koduthuruchi. I don't wish to make you uncomfortable, but you may share if and when you want to."

"Vishal, it's not that I don't want to share. I don't know what to share when I don't understand my feelings."

Sivaangi paused.

"I admired him from the time I saw him. My admiration blossomed into affection as I got to know him better. I care deeply for Ashwin, and I miss him very, very much. I yearn for his messages and to speak with him, and I want to see him. I want to meet his family and friends. I want to be the first to whistle and scream when his name gets flashed at movie theatres. I want to carry his sorrows, and I want to be the reason he smiles. He is the first thing on my mind and the last person I think of every day. I....I...I feel so stuck. I want him to want all this as well. And if this is love, then yes, I love him. I love him as a friend and more than that."

Vishal broke into a big, toothy grin. "I knew it! My friend has gotten the love bug! Nee ondra renda paadum pothey naan ninaichen intha pillai etho love planningle thaan ithellam pannurannu."

Behind the private dining area, Ashwin froze. He was going to bid the two youngsters farewell when he heard Sivaangi's confession to Vishal. They were engrossed in their conversation and did not notice Ashwin approaching.

Breaking free from his shocked state, Ashwin quietly moved away and walked out of the cafe. He didn't want Sivaangi and Vishal to know that he had heard them.

Ashwin was happy, relieved, confused and terrified all at the same time. He got into his car, sat at the wheel for a long time, trying to process whatever Sivaangi had said. He reached out for his water bottle, gulped down the water and made up his mind to speak with Sivaangi later that night.