Do I wanna know? (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Chapter seven: "Let's fall in love"

Words count: 11,4K 

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of cases, but that's it. This is a very fluffy chapter, FINALLY!! 

Summary: Gideon left and Spencer is broken-hearted. Good news: (Y/N) has an event that will keep his mind busy. 

A/N: Hello!! kids! I'm so excited with your feedback on this story (on Wattpad and Tumblr) you have been great! here is a fluffy chapter, finally, after all the angst Spencer put us through. Let me know what you think!! have a great day, stay safe! I love you all!! 

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Spencer's point of view

It had been over six months after I quit using, and for a moment, life was great. Everything fell back in place. It had been a rough year, but somehow we were all making it through. I was actually attending narcotics anonymous meetings regularly. I had my six months recovery coin already.

I had actually given it to (Y/N) over dinner. She cried a little, and so did I. But I knew I wouldn't have gotten it if it wasn't for her. So that coin was as mine as hers.

That was until Gideon's friend Sarah was killed, and things got out of hand. He was framed for murder and had to hide until we solved the case. It was the worst situation we had had to face as a team, and it felt like things were never going to get back to normal.

And I was right. I wished I hadn't.

A few weeks later, we had a case on campus. An unsub was killing girls, and though we solved it and found out who the killer was, he and the last victim ended up dead. And Gideon blamed himself for the decision that set it all. You could see it on his face, the guilt and the stress. He was making an effort, but he was crumbling.

Everything got worse when we were back in Quantico. Section chief Erin Strauss blamed Hotchner for the death of the victim and the unsub. She suspended him for two weeks, and if you want me to be honest, that was the cause for a lot of the bad things that happened in the following months.

First: Hotchner quit the BAU when his suspension was over but canceled his resignation at the last minute and decided to stay in the team. That was just one of the two earthquakes that shook the team.

Second: Gideon resigned. It was more than just that. He vanished. He left out of the blue. He didn't even say goodbye. After years of mentoring me and being like a father and a friend, he did exactly what my dad had done to me when I was ten years old. He left me a letter. That was all I got.

I went to see him in his cabin, and there it was: A lousy letter. I couldn't understand it. And it made me feel like I didn't deserve better.

"Spencer: I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me. You must be frightened. I apologize for that. I never meant to cause you any pain. I also never envisioned writing this letter.

I've searched for a satisfactory explanation for what I'm doing. All I've come up with is... a profiler needs to have solid footing, and I don't think I do anymore. The world confuses me, the cruelty, indifference, tragedy."

I sat on my couch and re-read those words over and over again. Somehow, nothing made sense to me.

"In this line of work, I was afraid I would lose the ability to trust, but I've realized I can't really look at anyone without seeing their death. And as bad as losing faith in humanity seems, losing your faith in happy endings is much worse."