Live to fight and fight to live

16 // Caseys POV

Casey's POV...

As soon as I got that call from Mitchell telling me Taylor was in the hospital anger raised inside me, I couldn't help but scream and yell how could this happen to someone as innocent as Taylor was? All she cared about was making everyone else happy but herself, she was so selfless and she didn't get enough credit for that.

When reality hit that she was in the hospital I dropped my phone and sped to the hospital I didn't care if I got caught speeding or if I got a fine all I knew was I had to see her and get there.

As soon as I walked into her hospital room, all her family were here besides her parents, I froze for a few minutes just looking at the peaceful Taylor laying on her bed, she didn't deserve this she didn't deserve any of it but here we were just hoping she'd wake up, she was a fighter she had to wake up, I don't think I could let her go just yet especially since the last conversation we had wasn't a very good one, and thag moment I regretted everything I done, that kiss did mean something to me but I showed Taylor otherwise.

I already missed her big general smile, I missed the way her long beautiful hair just flowed down her back so naturally, I missed how she got excited about something and would jump up and down like a child in the candy store, I missed how she always put her family first even before herself, I missed her lame jokes and when she was actually enjoying herself and didn't care how stupid she looked, I missed how she only dressed to impress herself, I missed all our little moments and being close to her, I missed her just talking to her in general or telling me some funny story, I missed how she would die to watch a movie, I miss watching her dance from my room, I miss her in general, I miss her being repondable.

I never told her how I felt I was scared to I never told her all the things I wanted to tell her and now I felt like I lost my chance, I didn't put in enough effort to get on her good side again, oh how she didn't deal with drama but I couldn't blame her as much as she doesn't talk about what goes on inside that house I can still hear the screaming from next door so I don't blame her for not wanting to put up with drama and that's just one thing I admired about her, she was smart she was talented she was so many damn things and she didn't even know it, I felt so many different feelings about this girl that I didn't even understand but to her I'll always just be the player especially after kissing another chick on the same day I kissed her, what was I fucking thinking? I didn't even like her let alone like the kiss so why did I do it? Maybe because your a fucking player casey and that's just what you do I told myself.

I didn't know these feelings I had towards Taylor Johnson, I didn't know how much I enjoyed her company until now, why is it you always realise when it's a little too late? She didn't deserve what I put her through and how badly I wanted to apologise to her but I couldn't, I couldn't say how sorry I was and how amazing she was I couldn't tell her that she didn't deserve what I did and she didn't deserve shit from me or any other guy for that matter, I couldn't tell her how important she was to me and her family even if she didn't see it.

Today opened my eyes up a lot I realised things about Taylor that I didn't even know I knew, I realised how many people loved her and weren't ready to say goodbye, fuck this is the first time I've seen Mitchell and miles cry and she wasn't here to witness the affect she had on people, the two guys that never cry were here crying because Taylor may or may not wake up, everyone was terrified including myself and we just didn't know what to do other than wait which wasn't my strong front.

This was the first time everyone didn't say a word, the kids are usually loud and so are Taylor's friends fuck I'm even loud, we've never gone this long without talking but yet the one person that glue us all together was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life
"I hate her" jackson said out of no where pulling me out of my thought, hate was a strong word for jackson he didn't hate anything he was a sweet kid that loved everyone and everything
"Hate who jack" Mitchell replied
"Our mother she did this to tay"
Mitchell didn't say another word he only pulled jackson in for a hug but what jack said kept replaying in my head how was it their mothers fault? What am I missing? But I knew right now wasnt the time to ask, I'll find out later and then I went back at staring to a peaceful Taylor and back in my thoughts.

I don't know what was wrong with me, this whole week I was pretty much chasing Taylor I was chasing for her to talk to me, I don't chase girls I let them do the chasing but here I was trying to make Taylor Johnson talk to me which wasn't like me at all, I couldn't get her out of my head and I took any chance I got to look into her bedroom window, Taylor has changed me and I don't know why I don't know how but she's changed me, Everytime I have sex with someone now I wish it was her and I have doubt Everytime which is not like me at all, you need to wake up and I can tell you how I feel even if I don't understand my feelings myself.

My first girlfriend broke my heart by cheating on me with my ex bestfriend my second girlfriend left me with no words and later on I just found out she moved away to be with a richer and nicer guy and my third girlfriend cheated on me multiple times so could I really risk it all again? Could I really open up to Taylor? Could I really admit how I actually felt? Or do I just stick to the old player games I really didn't know what to do anymore I couldn't allow it all to fall down and get hurt again because this time I wouldn't know how I would handle it, but the real question was would she be able to forgive me for what I did to her?