*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Campsick written by Azmiazim2006
Reviewer : FangirlHere1234
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Title: 6/10
Blurb: 7/10
Cover: 8/10
First chapter: 7/10
Character development: 8/10
Plot: 9/10
Grammar: 4/10
Writing style: 7/10
Creativity: 9/10
Enjoyment: 8/10
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
TOTAL: 73/100
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Review:
➼ I really liked the idea that you started with. The story surrounding a camp isn't used very often so that was nice. However, few things could be changed to increase the reader's enjoyment.
➼ First off, for the title, the word campsick let's us know that the story is about a camp. However, as far as I have read I don't see why she would be campsick when she is still in camp. You've only updated six chapters till now so perhaps the title starts making sense later in the book. If that's the case, then the title is fit for the story.
➼ Your blurb was good but there are a lot of grammatical mistakes which makes the blurb hard to read. Instead of ending the sentences, you kept adding commas which made the blur very confusing. You might want to go through the blurb again.
➼ The cover is the first thing that is seen by a reader so it needs to be eye catching to attract their attraction. For your cover, the picture of the girl sitting with greenery is very soothing. You could also increase the quality of the picture. Also, you could add the title of the book on the cover along with your name. If you don't know how to edit a picture, you could ask for a cover in a graphic shop. They might have even better ideas for your cover which will attract reader's attention.
➼ The first chapter was a little confusing to be honest. It starts off with a lot of dialogues and hardly any descriptions. You could try and describe the camp- what it looks like, why Mira wanted to attend the camp and also why she wasn't able to go without Sheffy and Sammy. Also character descriptions are important. You can give a small description of Sheffy and Sammy in the first chapter itself. I didn't realize that the three of them were sisters until the fifth chapter.
➼ The character development was good. We come to know that Mira is the logical kind of girl who doesn't like to take too many risks. She is also the kind of girl who wouldn't hesitate to jump into a fight if she believed that the other person was doing something wrong. However, Sheffy and Sammy seem very similar to me. They always do the same things. You could try giving them different characteristics. Remember, side characters are just as important as the main character. They help in enhancing the book.
➼ The plot is good so far. I have read only six chapters so I don't know the entire plot but the mystery of the less number of girls keeps the reader wondering.
➼There were many grammar mistakes that I noticed. Like I pointed out before, you have used commas instead of full stops which makes reading the book a little difficult. You could go through the document once again and correct your mistakes. The first draft of a book is always the mere outline of the book. Authors usually go through their manuscripts several times before even showing it to the others. After going through the chapters you could send your story to an editing shop if you think there could be some more corrections that could be made.
➼ Your writing style is good but you could make some changes. There are way to many dialogues and very less descriptions. I hardly know how any character looks or how the camp looks. You could take out the pictures and instead start describing the scenes. For example, if I were to describe the waterfall in the fifth chapter-
In front of Mira was a massive waterfall but it wasn't just any waterfall. It looked beautiful and otherworldly. There was greenery all around and the white color of the water and the green of the plants gave a very aesthetic view. The sound of the gushing water was playing like a melody in her mind. Mira just stared at the sight in front of her for two minutes, enjoying the feeling of being so close to nature.
➼ As I said before the basic theme was pretty unusual and creative because you don't see many stories on Wattpad about camps. So that's a really good thing about your book.
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
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