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Fallen Queen ★ Aroha

*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*

Fallen Queen written by disha_2007

Reviewer : FangirlHere1234

*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*

Title: 6/10

Blurb: 9/10

Cover: 7/10

First chapter: 9/10

Character development: 8/10

Plot: 8/10

Grammar: 9/10

Writing style: 10/10

Creativity: 9/10

Enjoyment: 9.5/10

*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*

TOTAL: 84.5/100

*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*

Review:

➼ First off, for the title and cover, although the 'Fallen Queen' does make sense, I feel like you could have chosen a better title. When I read the Fallen Queen I immediately think of a fantasy book with kings and queens. Combined with the cover of a girl wearing a fancy dress, I actually thought that this was a fantasy book. This is not ideal and might lead to less views. For example, I don't like the horror genre. If I see cover which looks very scary and gory and has a title which makes me think of the horror genre, I will assume that the book belongs to the horror genre and I won't read it. On the other hand, readers who love horror books will start reading the book and after reading the first few pages, they will realize that the book isn't what they expected and they will stop reading. This can make you lose a lot of readers.

You needn't worry though. I had a similar problem with one of my books. You can change the title to something that is more fitting to your book. You can also ask some graphic designers to make a cover for your book. They will have ideas that pertain to the genre of your book. You can also search in google for book covers with a similar topic like billionaire office romance and see the general look and feel of the covers and decide accordingly. 

➼ Coming to your blurb, I have only one word to say. Wow. Like seriously. Each and every line was so poetic and beautifully written. The part with the bookshelves was probably my favorite part. The reason I gave you nine was because of the second paragraph. I didn't exactly understand the paragraph. The caged bird with wings dipped in ink. I didn't understand the metaphor. Maybe it is just me. You could try to simplify it or remove it altogether. I think the blur would still make sense if that paragraph was removed.

➼ The first chapter was really good. You described day-to day activities in such an interesting way. That is not something many people can do. The only thing yo could change is the way you display the text. When you write big paragraphs, it becomes a little exhausting to read the entire paragraph and stresses the eyes out. People are more likely to skip over a few lines if the paragraphs are too big. You could break the same paragraph into two or three paragraphs. Also, I personally think that the chapters were too long. I find a chapter of 1000- 1500 words is ideal. Once again, you could divide one chapter into two chapters. It isn't something that will massively effect your book but they just things that I think make books a little more engaging.

➼ The character development was really good. From the first chapter, I knew that Achelois was the no nonsense kind of girl who didn't give a damn about what people thought about her. However, I did find some contradictory actions that the characters did. Like how in chapter eight, Achelois and Wolfe behave as though they were really good friends but in all the other chapters, they kept challenging and fighting with each other. The sudden change left me confused. Similarly, in the staring of the eleventh chapter, Melian seemed like the quiet girl who spoke only when necessary but halfway through the chapter, her personality did a 180.

➼ The plot looks good so far. I have read only thirteen chapters so I don't know the entire plot but  a few mysterious elements have been introduced like Wolfe and Nico's conversation.

➼ There weren't many grammar mistakes that I noticed but there a few. However, they aren't huge mistakes. You can just go through the chapter and correct them. The one thing that you need to change is your sudden use of pronouns. We only use pronouns when we don't want use the same name again and again. However, in certain places I didn't even know who the pronoun stood for. Like in the fourth chapter, the first word is 'she'. I didn't know who the she stood for. 

➼ One thing that I wanted to mention was the change of POVs. The sudden changes made me very confused. Especially since I didn't know that the POV was changing. One minute, Achelois is in the office and in the next, there is a small girl sitting in her bedroom, yelling. If you want to dive into Achelois's past you can either mention it before the chapter starts that it was '*some number* years back' or you could put the chapter in italics so there is some indication that it isn't from the normal POV. Similarly, in chapter four there was a sudden shift to Wolfe's POV. You mentioned that it was fourteen years ago which helped, but you didn't mention that it was Wolfe who was talking. I only realized it halfway into the chapter.

➼ Your writing style is extremely beautiful. Most authors have a somewhat similar writing style but yours is completely different. A very unique and refreshing different. Your poetic way of describing things is very different. As I mentioned, you make the most boring things sound interesting and new. Also, the comebacks in your book are amazing. I am really impressed by them.  I have no complaints under this criteria. Just keep doing what you already are doing :)

➼ The general theme of the book isn't very original. You used the billionaire office romance and enemies to lover trope. However, the personality of you main character is something that you don't find commonly. She is fierce and doesn't hesitate to tell people about what she thinks about them. Your writing style is also very different which sets your book apart from all the other books.

*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*

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