*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Adventure of Leona written by suba3423
Reviewer: Alphaholic
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Title: 8/10
Blurb: 8/10
Cover: 8/10
First chapter: 6/10
Character development: 6/10
Plot: 7/10
Grammar: 4/10
Writing style: 5/10
Creativity: 9/10
Enjoyment: 5/10
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Total: 66/100
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
Review:
➼ The cover is really intriguing and so is the blurb, especially the way you phrased certain sentences. It adds to the sense of mystery your cover presents.
➼ The way you use your punctuation marks and the order you put your words can sometimes make it very difficult to read. In certain places, I really had to concentrate to understand what was going on.
➼ After a question mark, you do not add a full stop e.g. "Hello?" He said not "Hello?." He said. Making these small changes can really help to pull more readers. Also, if you have an exclamation or question mark, there is no need to add a full stop afterwards.
➼ The plot seems really interesting but the writing style - personally - is very difficult to understand so I couldn't fully appreciate and be immersed into the plot.
➼ I like how you respond to all the comments, it really shows your interaction with your readers :)
➼ The quotes you add at the beginning are a really nice and sweet personal touch and I liked reading them before every chapter.
➼ The story doesn't jump straight into action but slowly builds up the background which is a nice refreshing change.
➼ It's best to use a comma not always an ellipsis because it makes the text look unnecessarily 'chunky'.
➼ I think your story is very interesting but in order to bring in more readers, maybe structure your sentences slightly differently so that the story flows better. I see a lot of potential and you could unlock it with a quick proofread!
*★*――――*★*★*――――*★*
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