hidden feelings | chanlix

six.

as the weeks passed, chan and felix we're on speaking terms again.

sana went to japan for an unexpected family meeting and won't be back anytime soon.

chan took that as an opportunity to catch up with his friends and felix, since he hasn't done that for quite a while.

the two obviously became close again, and felix was having a difficult time hiding his feelings.

he didn't want to confess to chan because it would ruin the friendship that he's been fighting for, for 8 years.

even if its already affecting him mentally and physically, felix won't stoop that low to actually take chan's happiness away.

and that's obviously not him.

——

"chaanniee!!" felix whined, raising his arms to hug chan, which the older gladly accepted.

"why are you so off today hm?" he asked, still hugging the younger australian.

"just a bit tired..." felix sighed, burying his head deeper into chan's chest.

the older pulls away a bit to cup felix's face, just to be welcomed with burning cheeks.

"oh no, lix you're burning up!" he said, quickly carrying felix on his back.

"i'm bringing you home okay?"

"okay..." the freckled boy replied weakly.

____

once they enter minho and felix's house, chan immediately brought felix to his room.

his room was an absolute mess, which was unusual because felix is really strict when it comes to cleanliness.

polaroid pictures ripped from the walls,
clothes all over the floor, and what caught chan's eye the most is the picture in felix's nightstand.

it was their picture, and the glass frame was shattered.

he wanted to ask felix what happened to it, but since the boy wasn't feeling well, chan just kept it to himself.

____

felix was laying down on his bed, a cold towel resting on his forehead. he already drank medicine and luckily the fever subsided.

the freckled boy thought that once chan's girlfriend comes back, will everything still be the same? or will their time together be limited again?

he can't lose chan, not again.

and yet he can't find the courage to confess what he really feels for the older.

he was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice chan entering the room.

"lixie you feeling better?" the brunette asked, crouching in front of felix.

"hm i guess so.." he replied flatly.

"what's wrong? you can tell me," chan said caressing felix's hair.

"you can tell me anything lix, you know you're like a little brother to me," he said softly.

ouch, that hurt.

i just got fucking brozoned, so might as well say it now.

he will never reciprocate my stupid feelings anyway.

he's straight felix, he already has a girlfriend.

don't ruin his happiness because of this selfish feelings.' felix thought.

"okay, i'll say this now cause i know that you'll hate me after you hear this." he said, while elevating his position.

"...what?" chan asked, sitting down on the bed.

felix takes a sharp breath, anxiety rushing in his veins.

he's doing this, he's finally telling chan.

"well um..i-i've been trying to keep this but i r-really like y-you..as in not in a platonic way.." he finally said, still not looking at his bestfriend.

"w-what.." felix cutted him off, trying to save the conversation and their friendship.

"BUT! i'm not saying this for you to like me back, i know you're happy with sana, i just really needed to get it off my chest haha!" he tried not to cry, he really did.

"felix..you know i'm not gay right..?" chan said, looking at felix straight in the eye.

he expected that chan would say this, yet it still broke him inside.

"i'm sorry for suddenly saying this, i hope that we could still be friends..?" felix said, finally meeting chan's gaze.

chan just hummed in reply and stood up from the bed, picking up his bag from the corner.

"before you leave, i just wanna say that i love you. i love you so fucking much chan.." felix said, standing up from the bed and glancing at his best friend, if he could still call him that.

he thanked chan one last time before closing the door to his room.

and that's when the first tear fell, followed by another, until his room was filled with loud broken sobs.

little did he know that chan was still outside his room, his heart wrenching at the sound of his best friend's cries.

i'm sorry lix, i just couldn't love you back the way you do.

or can he?

——

holy crap- i haven't updated in like forever T-T
i had a writer's block and couldn't think of anything, i'm sorryyyy!! :(
but from now on i'll try to update atleast every two or three days,
so for now, have this <33
i'm always thankful for those who reads this book, it really means a lot 🥺

- h.