unexpected feelings | marichat

chapter thirty-eight

adrien's pov
   i was in love with marinette. that much i could have probably figured out months ago. and just one month ago, the feeling became too strong to ignore. of course, around the same time that happened, marinette stopped talking to me.
   or, more specifically, she had stopped talking to chat noir. she was still talking to me as adrien like she always had, minus the stuttering and flustered behavior. but something told me that if she knew i was chat noir, she wouldn't be so keen on answering me. i just wished i knew what i did to mess things up.
   it was killing me not being able to be with her, to spend as much time with her as i had before. chat noir had no restrictions, no reasons to stay inside. but adrien hardly got out of the house. even less so if it was to visit a friend.
   for a short time, i had thought maybe this time apart would be good. maybe i would be able to see her as just a friend if we didn't spend so much time together, i had thought. i couldn't have been further from the truth. my feelings seemed to have multiplied by 1000, and i could tell ladybug was growing tired of me talking about her during patrols. it was just a small mention here and there, nameless, but still.
  "well, i hope you and your brand new girl have a blast!" she had said a few days ago, after i had mentioned that i was finally going to see her at a small party we were throwing for someone. she had said it with a smile, but her tone of voice and even the overly-forced twist of her grin suggested that she wished i would just shut up about her. even i wished i could shut up about her.
   the party was in two days, a baby shower for ms. bustier that the class had been planning practically since we got the news of her pregnancy. i was over the moon. my father had somehow given me permission to go, and i was going to see all of my friends, marinette included. it was only a few hours, but that was more than enough for me. i just had to see her again.
   as of now, i was headed to a ball with kagami and her mother, one planned by the mayor to celebrate the anniversary of his hotel. kagami was excited to come as my date, she'd said so herself at fencing practice yesterday. and i felt awful knowing that the feelings she had for me weren't reciprocated. not in the way she deserved.
i straightened my stiff suit as plagg phased through the bathroom door, nursing a piece of bread with cheese on it. "you look horrible. lose the frown," he ordered.
   "thanks for the compliment," i muttered, applying more gel to my already hard hair. it looked the same as always, but my father suggested i wear some anyway. because apparently now my hair also had to be as stiff as the hair on an action figure. plagg was right, though, i was looking slightly green. but maybe he would be too if he knew he was going on a date with a girl he just didn't love in that way, and didn't have the guts or decency to tell her.
   "i didn't mean it in a bad way!" he backtracked, rolling his eyes. "but the no marinette diet is really hitting you hard. it's not easy for me either, you know. i'm on a baked goods shortage! anyway, try and enjoy tonight. forget about your lady troubles for once."
   "easy for you to say when you're not the one being ignored."
   he planted himself on my shoulder and made eye contact with me in the mirror. "do you know what i am, adrien?"
   "a bottomless pit of cheese?" i half joked, because he honestly had to be bottomless when he consumed so much cheese in such little time.
   he narrowed his eyes and crossed his tiny arms together. "no. i am your friend. and, more importantly, i am a kwami who's lived thousands of years on this earth. i've become pretty wise for my tender age. and my wiseness is telling you to relaaax. enjoy the party! it's been a month since you last visited her, adrien. if you refuse to get over her- which you wouldn't have to do if you had taken my advice- at the very least stop letting the thought of her prevent you from enjoying things."
   "it's not just marinette, you know. what am i going to tell kagami? i can't say anything tonight, because we have to go together even if we don't want to and that would be... awkward. but eventually i'm going to have to tell her that she's not the one i love."
   "who said you had to tell her? you kept the marinette and ladybug pans sizzling at the same time, why not keep hers on the side too? try different cheeses, hmm?"
   "plagg! i can't do that, that's... awful," i said, pushing him and his cheesy stench away from me. his words reverberated in my mind, though. i had been doing just that this whole time. keeping kagami as a safety net in case ladybug, and later marinette, decided that they didn't love me. because i knew i could count on kagami's feelings, that she was constant in them. and we were just so alike, a perfect match on paper. why give her up? couldn't i eventually learn to love her in a romantic way, even if it took a while? sure, i'd have to fully let go of the last pieces of ladybug, and move on from marinette, but kagami was incredible, too. it was possible, right?
   i fastened marinette's lucky charm tighter around my wrist and walked out the bathroom, just as nathalie wheeled herself into my room. the doctors had given up on having her walk again, with how many relapses and dizzy spells she was having. the sight made me frown. i still hadn't grown accustomed to seeing nathalie, unstoppable, strong nathalie, confined to a wheelchair.
   "adrien, the car is ready for you. make sure to stay with ms. tsurugi and kagami at all times. your bodyguard will have your father on videocall throughout the entire event. this goes without saying, but please do not disappear as you did at the bourgeois anniversary celebration," she said pointedly as she ushered me outside. i grinned, remembering the escape kagami, marinette and i had made that day.
   "to be fair, it was a really boring reception. even the couple of the hour was sick of it," i cracked, and nathalie's lips formed a tight line. "i'm kidding. don't worry, nathalie. kagami and i will be on our best behavior tonight. i promise."
this seemed to reassure her as she escorted me into the car, where my bodyguard awaited, a tablet in his large hands.
kagami and her mother were already at the hotel when we arrived. as i got off the car, i heard kagami's mother mutter something about how rich men never seemed to be early for anything, and i bit my tongue to keep from laughing as i walked her into the ballroom.
inside, kagami waited patiently, wearing a beautiful red dress that i'd never seen her in before. it reminded me of something marinette had designed, but it didn't feel right to ask if it was. she spotted me and her face lit up, though she kept her composure as she walked towards me.
"do you like it?" she asked, lifting the chiffon skirt and twirling it lightly. yep, definitely a marinette design. i'd seen a rough sketch of it hung up on her wall. "i feel like it's too much, but marinette insisted i wore it. i accepted only because it must have taken her weeks to complete it. i don't know why she would bother spending so much time on a dress for me, but i am happy she cares so much."
i smiled, imagining marinette hunched over at her desk, perfecting a dress design for kagami and then sewing it herself. "don't worry, it looks beautiful, kagami," i said, and she blushed before looping her arm through mine. "now let's get some cake before the rest of the guests devour it all."
i took plagg's advice and enjoyed the party, even occasionally sneaking food into my jacket for plagg to eat. kagami and i laughed and dined, and for a small moment, i almost could see myself dating her. she was, after all, my friend. if i already loved her that way, maybe i could eventually learn to love her romantically. but the thought quickly fizzled out of my head as soon as a certain slow-dance song began to play from the speakers expertly placed around the large room.
"adrien, may i have this dance?" kagami asked, a slight shyness tinging her normally confident voice. i couldn't deny her this, so i nodded and took her hand, leading her to the center of the dance floor. we held each other at an arm's length, swaying to the slow rhythm of the music. around us, a number of couples had congregated and now danced, holding each other like it was the one thing holding them together. our position must have made us stick out like a sore thumb.
kagami took note of this and scooted closer, wrapping her arms more snugly around my neck. "you're a good dancer, adrien. i wouldn't have expected any less, of course."
"what would you have done if i had shown up with two left feet?"
"i would have pretended i didn't know you" she said, but her face was so serious i didn't know whether or not she was being sarcastic.
"would you pretend not to know me if i did this?" i asked, proceeding to spin and then dip her in an extremely dizzying motion. she stood back up and laughed loudly, causing some people to give us weird looks.
i tried to focus on the fact that i had just made kagami laugh, a real, loud, melodious laugh, but all i could think of was marinette's laugh as i spun her rapidly before the louvre. and, as kagami settled herself back into my arms, calm once again, all i could remember were the slow-dances i'd shared with marinette. they played over and over in my head, refusing to let me concentrate on the girl before me. uh-oh.
kagami, ever so perceptive, immediately noticed how distracted i had become. "adrien? is something wrong?"
i laughed nervously, brushing off her concern unconvincingly. "of course not! hey, kagami, are you thirsty? i'll go get us some more punch." i detached myself from her before she could even give me an answer and made a beeline for the punch table.
"good job, adrien. ditching kagami for marinette, like you did at the ice rink," plagg said, risking a breath outside my jacket.
"how did you- actually, no, don't tell me. now get back into my shirt before anyone sees you!"
"relax, adrien. all these people are too self-involved or busy eating to notice me," he said, but returned to my jacket nonetheless. i looked around and breathed a sigh of relief. nobody had noticed him.
serving two cups of punch, i contemplated what i was going to do. there was still lots of time before the party ended. kagami would notice my distraction, even if i tried to hide it. but i couldn't just tell her the reason for it here, surrounded by all these people and the day before a huge fencing tournament.
so, like any sane person would, i pushed all thoughts of marinette as deep down as possible, straightened my back, and headed back to kagami, giving her what i hoped could be considered a dazzling smile.
————
kagami handed me an icy water bottle as i massaged my sore arm, which had to be bruised after todays match. opening her own bottle, she sat on the bench beside me, leaning back tiredly.
   "i wish we could have competed against each other. i would have instantly beat you," she said, and i laughed.
   "how could you be so sure?"
   "because i win during practice. your moves have begun to become predictable." it was obvious she wanted to say more. i turned to look at her and saw that she was already looking at me, as if she were dissecting what was going on inside me. it almost felt like she could really read my mind, and i turned away quickly.
   "adrien! kagami!" a voice yelled from afar. a voice i would recognize anywhere. did i miss her that much?
   "marinette?" i questioned, looking up. sure enough, marinette was heading our direction from the bleachers, with nino and alya trailing her happily. she was smiling widely and waving, and it took all i had not to run towards her like a madman and embrace her.
   "i invited marinette. she's been dying to come to a match," kagami explained, smiling as marinette pulled her into a tight hug.
   "dude! you did great today! remind me to never get into a sword-fight against you, though," nino said, also hugging me.
   "actually, for the first battle, nino couldn't even tell which one you were. he was cheering for your opponent," alya said, and nino let out an undignified whine.
   "babe! i thought you wouldn't tell him."
   marinette giggled at their antics before coming before me and, surprisingly, pulling me into just as tight a hug as she had given kagami. i closed my eyes for the brief duration of the hug, enjoying every second of it.
the sound of alya clearing her throat was enough for us to break apart. she smirked at marinette, and marinette blushed wildly before congratulating me.
i almost pulled up my sleeve to show her the lucky charm, but decided against it after seeing the look kagami was giving us. instead, i settled on a small "thanks" and headed to the locker room to grab my duffel bag before i did something stupid like grab marinette's hand or hug her again.
"did romeo finally reunite with juliet?" plagg said as soon as we entered the locker room, giving me the exact same smirk alya had given marinette.
"oh, shut up, plagg," i said, but i couldn't fight the grin that spread across my face. yes, romeo did just reunite with juliet. still smiling, i walked towards the door, about to exit before hearing voices coming from outside it.
"sorry, als. i can't today. i've got a date with luka at the movies in an hour," marinette's voice said apologetically. the grin i wore disappeared. a date. with luka. yay him!
"luka, hmm?" alya's voice replied. "what about chat noir?" i froze, no longer interested in leaving.
"hahaha, what do you mean what about chat noir?" marinette asked, sounding nervous. yeah, what did she mean what about chat noir?
"come on, girl! don't play dumb! the way you talk about him, the way you look at him, all the pictures in your room? anyone paying attention can see it."
my eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. was alya implying that marinette... liked chat noir? again?
"pshhh, don't be silly! of COURSE i don't like him. and those pictures are there for...." silence followed, and i imagined alya giving marinette a pointed look.
"research purposes? fashion? those may have worked with adrien, girl, but how would pictures of chat noir help you with fashion?"
"ummmm.... a leather line?" marinette said, doubtfully. after a minute or two, when it seemed like they had ended the conversation, i heard a sigh come from marinette.
"okay, fine. maybe you're not totally wrong, alya," marinette conceded, and alya squealed with joy. i nearly did the same thing. marinette liked me. she likes me!!!
"but i'm sure he doesn't like me back. he's got ladybug, or maybe some other girl. he has no reason to like me," marinette continued. i frowned. there was EVERY reason to like her.
"are you kidding? you may not be ladybug, but you are marinette dupain-cheng. you know what she's done? she's designed a bowler hat for gabriel agreste's fashion show. she's stood up to chloe multiple times, and she's also stood up to adrien's father to help him get more freedom. she's smart, and kind, and beautiful and, most of all, she's the best friend anyone could have. chat noir has many reasons to like you, marinette," alya declared. i nodded excitedly, even though only plagg could see me. marinette needed to understand all this and more.
"that's super sweet alya, but just trust me on this one. chat noir and i wouldn't work out," marinette argued. i narrowed my eyes. this rollercoaster of a conversation was giving me emotional whiplash.
"have you seen the way he looks at you? it definitely would work out!" i made a mental note to somehow thank alya later. she was making some amazing points.
"this isn't about how he looks at me! or how i feel for him. it's just.... it's just better this way. we would never be able to go on a normal date anyway. too much crowds," she said lightly. the sadness in her voice broke my heart. is this why she's been ignoring me? or is she lying to alya about something?
alya stayed silent for a while before answering. "if you say so, girl. but if you ever decide otherwise, you better tell me!"
marinette giggled at this. "i promise you'll be the first to know."
"good. now, what movie are you gonna watch with luka?"
"crocodile heart part two. its a continuation of jagged stone's first movie!"
"seriously? i heard the first one had been pretty ridiculous."
their voices got further and further until i could no longer hear them. i pressed my back on the wall, fully processing everything that marinette and alya had just talked about.
"i heard it was rude to spy on people," plagg said, placing himself in front of my face. i ignored him.
"did marinette just tell alya she... liked me?"
"why are you so surprised? she's confessed her love to you before. in fact, she's loved both adrien AND chat noir at some point," he pointed out. i hadn't even put that together. the realization made me feel even warmer and fuzzier than i already did.
"plagg, this means she fell in love with me twice! with all of me," i whispered in awe.
"exactly! do you need any more reason to ask her out?"
marinette loved me. or, at the very least liked me. never mind that she thought we wouldn't work out, or that she was going on a date with luka in an hour. she liked me, chat noir, once again, and, for now, it was all that mattered.
an infinite number of questions raged through my head. when did she begin to like me? had she ever stopped loving chat noir? she must have, if she had fallen for me outside the costume. should i ask her out? would she even want to date a superhero? i remembered her saying it would probably be dangerous to date me, months ago when she had first confessed her love to me. she was right. if hawkmoth found out, he could easily make her a target. what if we kept it a secret? or what if i asked her out, as adrien? would she accept? what if she was more willing to accept that way?
i didn't have time to ask any of them as kagami walked into the locker room. "are you ready, adrien? you've been in here for a long time. everyone already left."
a wicked idea suddenly crossed my brain. part of me immediately recoiled at it, but a much larger part of me insisted that i do this. how else would i see if i still stood a chance with marinette?
"i was just leaving. actually, kagami, are you free in an hour? there's this movie i've wanted to watch since i saw the trailers, and it came out today. we could maybe... go watch it together? what do you say?"

(a/n: bc when in doubt, one must crash their crushes date, at least according to mlb logic)