silverstar, the silmarillion

xiii. pain

Fire cracklings were the only sound heard, as Maedhros stared blankly at the fire, a delicate glass of wine in his left hand, sinking in his chair with his sorrow and grief. He remembered the day he met her, battered in blood and bruises.

Her, Miralyaen, his beloved.

Maedhros observed the elleth as she slept. The healers had tended to her when the Ambarussa brought her in, unconscious and injured from an orc prison, informing them of what had happened, that she was rescued from an orc prison. He remembered her face, her beauty that shone not unlike that of Laurelin's light.

Last he saw her was at a feast at Taniquetil, as she sat beside her brother, Laurefindil, of the Vanyar. He knew that she was of Fingolfin's host, one of those who had suffered fate from crossing the hostile Helcaraxë.

And he knew her name. Miralyaen.

Her eyes fluttered open, her blue unfocused eyes scanning the high ceilings of the healing house. She tried to sit, but his voice called out, "Do not. You are injured and weary, rest, Lady Miralyaen."

Miralyaen's eyes snapped to his, and Maedhros was unsure what to react when he saw panic in the depths of her eyes. "Lord Nelyafinwë," she exclaimed in surprise, bowing her head politely, her hand pressed against her chest, but the panic soon returned to her eyes, "Lady Aredhel was to meet Lord Tur—

And soon the memory passed.

He took a sip of his wine when he tensed. His head is playing with him, Maedhros was sure of it. But there, stood Miralyaen, who walked slowly towards him and leveled herself down to his level, her eyes devoid of any emotion but love.

He can feel the sadness radiating off of her, when she spoke softly, "You can't keep dwelling in the past, Maitimo, you'll fade."

Maedhros laughed harshly, "I am already fading." He saw a tear streaming down her cheek at his words, but she continued, "What of the children? What of your brother? Will you leave them to suffer from your selfishness; that you left them alone?"

Maedhros recoiled from her words, he would not leave his brother. He would not leave his sweet Makalaurë to endure the torturous Oath alone. What brother was he if he were to do so? And the children... he had taken them away from their parents, had he?

"No," said Miralyaen abruptly, "they were long gone before the House of Fëanor was involved."

She produced a white flower and set it gently on his palm, and backed slowly, a hint of pleading in her voice, "All I ask you is one thing, Maitimo; save yourself, don't stray to the path of despair, and death."

Maedhros blinked. And she was gone.

He thought of how cruel it was of the Valar to play with his head, and clenched his fist, only to hesitate, before he slowly opened his fist, to reveal a ring, a promise ring.

That she will never leave.

...

She wandered.

Elmarë was curious. And so she wandered the halls of the dark fortress of Amon Ereb, noticing the absence of the sons of Fëanor. They were usually passing the hallways, with Maedhros often seen with his herald and Maglor, scarcely out of his room, of which contained his precious belongings, and songs that were written and then sung below the light of Telperion and Laurelin, now a mere memory for said elves.

She passed Maedhros' room when she heard a soft humming from the inside. Maglor had warned her to not come there, but alas, her heart thought against, and as she rose her knuckle to knock on the door, it opened and left Elmarë to still in her movements.

After a moment of contemplation, she softly pushed the door and was greeted by Maglor's saddened eyes. She made a move to leave, but his voice called, "Elmarë, come here, please help me ease his pain."

Elmarë faltered when she heard the pain behind his sentence, so deep, and concerned for his brother's being. She stepped forward and saw Maedhros by his chair, his eyes glazed and not its normal sharpness it has.

"Makalaurë," he called drunkenly. "I saw her. And she told me not to stray, Makalaurë, to the path of despair and death. But I wanted to, to join Father and our brothers by the Void, but I can't. I can't leave you alone in here, to endure the Oath alone..."

Maedhros wavered in his sentences, but Maglor ignored it. He ignored the pain and weight his brother's words had unintentionally brought upon him. "Elmarë," he called instead, as he gently slung Maedhros' arm over his shoulder.

She looked up stiffly from gathering the bottles of wine on Maedhros' table, and went to the son of Fëanor's side, where he said, "Help me move him to his bed, please." She complied hesitantly under the gaze of the drunken Maedhros, then winced at the heaviness as she slung his arm over her shoulder.

Once Maedhros was set gently on his bed, Maglor sat by the bedside, heaving a sigh whilst stroking his brother's long red hair as Maedhros soon passed out. Elmarë stood somewhat awkwardly behind Maglor, gnawing her bottom lip anxiously.

"This is one of his days," Maglor muttered silently, his words coated in sadness, as he continued stroking Maedhros' head. Elmarë tilted her head, confused. It seems that Maglor sensed her confusion as he rose his eyes strongly at her sharp eyes, "When he would grieve all that he has lost, and whom he thinks that he had disappointed."

"Why can he not just let it go?"

The question was sudden and was spoken out of her mouth without a thought, as her eyes widen. Maglor did not seem to notice though, as he answered, "He may have scars, Elmarë, but there are some that dug deeper than into his skin, and sometimes, it will be there forever, no matter how long, no matter how small."

"He is so strong, and I admired it of him, but then I knew, that even the strongest can fall. And Maedhros fell, no matter how strong he was, and I wondered, will ever be as strong as he is?"

Elmarë fell silent, his words sending her heart pounding in compassion at how heartbroken he is at his brother's mental state. She softly set her hand on his shoulder, and said unwaveringly, "Maglor, Maedhros is strong, yes, but everyone is strong in their own way, and they will fall at their own time."