Wade and I managed to stumble into the front door of my apartment. I was still sniffling and hiccuping every few minutes. Wade wrapped his arms around me and I felt horrible all over again.
We walked into my bedroom and tangled ourselves together on my bed. I buried my head into the crook of his neck and I just sobbed, trying to form words of apology and regret in between my choking, body wrecking sobs. Wade didn't say anything but he wasn't tensed or acting like he wanted to leave. I wanted him to be angry, to at least say "I told you so." scream at me, walk out, something to show me that he was hurt and angry, But Wade just held me.
Finally, he whispered, "It's not your fault, Pete..." My entire world shattered and slowly began to piece itself back together as I processed those words. I pulled away from him in astonishment. Wasn't I the one who forced him to go? Told him that my parents didn't hate him when in truth they do and very much by the looks of it. The tears continued streaming and the only thing I could get out was: "H-how?"
Wade smiled gently and stroked away a tear slowly falling down my cheek. "You didn't know, baby boy. How could you have? It's not your fault."
I kissed him at that. I kissed him hard. Putting every ounce of love and hurt and regret into it. I could taste salt and pain, but I could also taste Wade. An abundance of Wade. He tasted like candy and safety and home.
I didn't want to stop but the lack of air forced me to. I laid my head onto his chest and I just listened. I could hear the soft "bu-bump bu-bump" of his heart beat. I could hear it and it was still beating. It meant alive, but I couldn't hear all the self hatred and pain and sorrow inside of it.
I didn't understand how much all of the words and actions that had hurt Wade so badly and I just wanted to make them all better, not worse. I didn't want to hurt Wade. I wanted to help and so far I've a done a horrible job of helping. I managed to scare him and have him screamed at. I silently cursed myself and looked up at him.
He was smiling gently and humming softly. It was off-pitch and husky but it sounded sweet and warm and welcoming. It made me wanted to hold him for forever. It made me want to hum along and take pictures of that stupid, perfect smile. It made me want to cry and kiss him, all at the same time.
I wanted to cry but my tears had all dried up and the only thing I felt was sorrow and guilt and tired. I clung to him, nuzzling into his chest and letting out a stream of "I'm so sorry" and "I love you so much". Wade chuckled and pulled me up towards him. I tried to avoid looking him in his eyes, but he tilted my chin so I had to. Our lips were inches apart and whenever he spoke I could feel his lips ghost over mine. "You didn't know. Please stop feeling so bad."
His eyes stared at mine with a piercing love and forgiveness that made my heart skip a beat. I sighed. "I should've...I'm so sorry...I just I-" Wade kissed me and nuzzled into my shoulder. "You're already forgiven."
