[COMPLETED]
trep·i·da·tion
a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen.
***
"You'll see the truth one day." I whispered against his harsh lips knowing this was wrong. The sensation was driving me insane, his warm breath panning...
I'd climb every mountain And swim every ocean Just to be with you And fix what I've broken
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"Hello?" I heard the nervous voice waver through the phone pressed against my ear, but there was no way they were more nervous than me.
It's been another twelve hours at least of my head locking me in, and maybe I'm delusional at this point? My mind is too full with so many things that I over analyzed the past day but I'm putting it out through this.
Sitting at my kitchen island, the exact same place I've been all day. The frail letter held between my shaking hands as the rest of the world stilled around me.
It was weird, nothing around me felt like it was moving in time. Like the picture around me was frozen but I was still running in place. I couldn't stop, I was just stuck.
"Harry," I choked out, trying to hold myself together even though I knew it wouldn't be worth it.
I swallowed my nerves and forced myself to speak. My voice came out soft but not the good kind, the quiet tense words rushed through me like a sting of ice going through my veins.
Hearing the confusion in his voice only broke me more. The way his voice cracked slightly, I couldn't tell if he had been crying, just woken, or hadn't slept at all.
All were my fault, and I knew that.
"Are you okay?" Harry's worried voice knocked me off of my thought shelf, and my eyes snapped back to the letter in front of me. "It's almost two in the morning."
Fuck, I shouldn't have called him. I don't know what I was thinking, it's late and I made the wrong decision. This was at the bottom of the list of things I should've done.
Maybe I should have started with processing what the fuck was said in that letter? It's too late for that either way.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, and as the words came out I questioned if he had even heard them. "It's late. I shouldn't have called."
It was like the world closed around me again, and I felt like I had screwed up. I was the one that shut him out the past three days now, I told him to stop. I have no right to be calling him now and asking for his help.
Right as I pulled the phone away from where I had it pressed so tightly to my ear, I heard his voice. My finger was hovering over the end button as I tried to escape the situation I put myself in, like I always did.
"No, no..." His voice was quick and rushed like he knew I was about to hang up. "Don't hang up, it's okay."
"I'm sorry," I repeated the same two words, like they were the only thing that could come out of my mouth. In all honesty, I didn't know what to say. "I fucked up, Harry."
Honesty. Open. Truth.
It's what you said in the letter, Harry. It's what I want to be with you. I don't want to put away things anymore, I don't want to hide how I feel. I want to swim through the water instead of floating in the same spot.
