sorry i killed your girlfriend | iwaoi

2- there is a dead girl on the floor.

thats certainly something to take a swig too, alright? at this point, out of anxiousness i chugged half of the bottle, this shit absolutely tastes disgusting. chris only likes that stupid bud light, which is the grossest beer out there. alright, enough procrastinating, this letter isn't graded. its only going to be read by the boyfriend and your best friend of the dead girl sitting on my bedroom floor.

i thought about putting her in my bed, to make chris or mom think i was getting some, but i don't want her in my bed, she might infect it.. OKOKOK. letter time, time to focus

"dear oikawa, i may or may not of killed your girlfriend." i wrote out, the soberness was melting away, making the words become blurry and near to meaningless to drunk me, but what i was writing was true. "so, this letter may come to you as shocking, insane, maybe even make you horny idk.." this sounds so great, who doesn't get turned on by your best friend who just killed your girlfriend.. heh..

"but, i did, now i understand if you are thinking well shit fuck you i'm going to the police, but please don't! i have a wife and kids somewhere" i kept writing nonsense, I could never hold my alcohol, i'm weak surprisingly. if it was vodka, hand me the bottle, i'll be done in a minute. but not beer. i hate it too much to drink it seriously, this bottle in my hand is just to distract me from the SHIT. THE FUCKING DEAD GIRL ON THE FLOOR.

oh my god. OH MY GOD. okay, calm down hajime, you'll be fine, you always end up fine.. i look across at the now barely recognizable girl on my floor, she was once pretty but i kinda annihilated her face, and she kind of looks like a snake, since i only left her canines. she is missing an eye, but i did miss dinner, what did you expect?

"you look beat up emery.." i say to the lifeless girl as i squat in front of her, prodding at her face poking it around some. "sucks to say but, if oiks doesn't hate me, i might steal your mans." that made me chuckle, it reminded me that not all is bad, that there is a chance he may still tolerate me, and still talk to me even if its behind bars. at least i hope, and I won't let that hope disappear, i need to finish that letter!

i picked up the pen again, just to be reminded of him once again. it was my twelfth birthday, the day i had kind of been regretting for weeks, chris and my mom had just started dating so he wasn't the half asshole half cool alcoholic he is now, he was still nice. and he had a random obsession with birthdays. he had invited my entire class to a party at our dump of a house. i was embarrassed, I couldn't tell either it was the fact that nobody showed or i got rejected by a field trip to the grocery store that just had been on the same day.

i remember crying, holding it back so my mom and chris could be happy, spoiler alert, they were more happy then i was. i was ready to burst, i just wanted to be alone until there was a knock on the door. short ass oikawa tooru, my best friend.. he showed, he held a tiny gift bag, and i welcomed him in. i quickly wiped the tears away, as he was the only thing i had wanted that day. a true friend.

then he whipped out this pen, it had a godzilla sticker on the outside, it was obvious it was placed by him, underneath was an alien. i chuckle at the sight of it, it still makes me happy. on the pen cap, my name is engraved, "hajime!" when i'm sad i like to brush my finger over it, it reminds me of him. and how much i love him.

i just wanted him to be mine. thats why i did it, if we hadn't woken up to late, or ran to fast or taken the metro.. then maybe I wouldn't be a monster, and this girl would be alive. maybe i would of had a chance with the great oikawa tooru, or have been heart broken. either way, better than becoming a murderer. i crossed my fingers, that I wouldn't mess up this draft, then took another swig of my beer.

"I couldn't of helped but feel jealousy, watching her dirty hands touch you. you were perfect, but she was disgusting. i needed to get rid of her. I didn't do it maliciously, i did it because i love you. i love you with all of my heart." the pen dragged on, i kept writing i love you, and I couldn't stop. i finally came to terms with it myself. i loved him so much. thats why i took the knife and stabbed her.

i ripped out her eyes because they looked at him deviously, i took her hands because they touched him, and i took her teeth and tongue because they could taste him. i wanted to taste him. it should of been me, loving him, and dying because of him..why wasn't it me. i beg god that the roles reverse. that i could be dead, and she could feel my panic.

i wrote all of that. i want him to see my crazy, i want my crazy to burn him.. I want my him to feel my crazy.. because he created the crazy. hes at fault! is what i want to believe. but its nobodies to blame, even though i want to blame my mom for smoking and drinking while pregnant with me. and i want to blame my dad for leaving me, i want to blame chris for finally being my shot at redemption, but he failed..

and i want to blame oikawa, because he taught me how to feel love..