The Aftermath (Book 1)

Chapter 16

I sat by my brook that I got for my thirtieth birthday. What if I woke up one day and didn't remember my life? What if my life had been different? Would I be sitting next to a different brook in a different place or would my life have eventually led me to this very moment?

If Elaina had married Brent. (This is a glimpse into a different life path.)

I rolled over and hit stop on our four am alarm. We both had rounds today plus an early dinner with his parents. Sometimes they really irked me and sometimes I really enjoyed having them as in-laws but this weekend was one of the irksome weekends.

My shift passed in a blur of breaking and setting bones. I stared out the window at the massive manicured lawns and ancient homes with only parents living inside them. I never understood why people who were well off lived in such extravagance.... Alone. At least fill the house with people or children but no most of them only had one child like my in-laws. They were the most pretentious people I had ever met but I hadn't known that until I was too in love with their son to care. Now that the love has become a background pulse I could see everything else clearer. Like how he lived to please them even though they would never be pleased by anything despite the fact that he is everything they wanted him to be. A successful neurosurgeon, married for fifteen years to an orthopedic surgeon, no children, no debt, no scandals, not even a pet!

"Everything okay love?" He asked squeezing my hand.

I smiled at him, "Of course."

He smiled satisfied with the content in my eyes and turned back to the road. I continued to look at him. Over the years he had only grown more handsome, women fell over him left and right but he only ever had eyes for me.

"Love, you know he's a great guy but are you sure about this? I see you two are getting serious but he doesn't want the same things you want. No kids is really okay with you? Just a career and him? For the rest of your life?" My dad asked when I told him I was going to marry Brent when he asked after college.

I remembered being so angry with my father after that talk. Why didn't he understand as long as Brent loved me everything would be fine? Now so many years later I wish I could hug him and tell him he was right. We didn't want the same things but I still loved him. Though some years ago I realized I could have loved him but chose someone else who wanted the same things I wanted. Who understood being a mother was my calling in life. The ache doesn't ache as much now knowing I'm in my mid forties and the pregnancy would be high risk and my child would most likely be an only child and I would be a really old mom. I'm just thankful at least Honey had a football team to quell the ache when it got to be too much. I pulled out my phone and looked at their recent family photo. Florian was the first to catch your eye with a huge grin on his face as he wrestled with the twin terrors on the floor, Honey was above them sitting on the bed a large smile on her face while their youngest laughed on her lap, Fynn sitting next to her a bigger smile on his face. The older twins standing looking at the chaos on the floor with snickers while six huskies played peek-a-boo with the camera. Everyone was half dressed in one way or the other. When she sent the pictures out Brent had laughed and thanked the heavens we didn't have any children, I only smiled despite my heart aching a little.

I took a deep breath letting go of all the emotions as I always did. We pulled into the long drive way of my in-laws and I prepped my smile. Any sign of distress and his mother swooped on me like a hawk. I didn't need her in my emotional business today. Brent held my hand as we walked through the grand foyer into the dining room large enough to seat forty people comfortably but would only seat 4.

I smiled as I sipped my wine. Dinner at the Fisher's was delicious as always but quiet. I had grown accustomed to Honey's rambunctious dinners and I found it hard to enjoy adult dinners now.

"Louise told me the chateau you designed for her is almost finished and she wants to loan it to us for our family vacation this year." Mrs. Fisher said with a proud smile.

I smiled back, even though I already knew this and had turned her down.

"Sorry we're late," a familiar voice floated into the room sending a chill down my spine. As Brent and I turned to see who it was there was no doubt that both of our faces mirrored the same disbelief.

Standing at the end of the long table was Nikolai Ripley. My very brief, very intense, college fling turned after college rebound, the two times me and Brent had broke up.

He was standing there with a girl about thirteen years old. She clutched his hand tightly as she smiled shyly at us.

"Nikolai! I'm happy you came!" Brent's mother exclaimed hugging him tightly. "I ran into Nikolai and his daughter at a museum and invited them for dinner," she said turning to us briefly before showing them to their seats.

After the dishes were served Mrs. Fisher engaged, Isabelle, Nikolai's daughter in a debutante conversation. Brent was in deep conversation with his father about the hospitals board of directors leaving Nikolai and I to converse.

"How are you?" He asked.

I could feel his light eyes on me but I kept mine trained on slicing up my steak.

"Good. Yourself?" I asked politely trying to figure out why I was so nervous.

"Well. Isabelle and I have had a tough time since Inez passed away but we are finally finding stable ground. Where are your children?"

I stiffened. Brent didn't notice but Nikolai inappropriately put his hand on my knee and murmured a sorry.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have trauma dumped. I know your parents passed a while back and I want to offer my condolences. I'm sorry if I triggered that time in your life."

I stiffened even more. This time his hand rested over mine above the table and squeezed it. I looked at Brent who didn't even look over. I looked across the table to Mrs. Fisher she also didn't look. Was this real? Or did they care that little for me? Of me? I removed my hand.

"I don't have children." I responded a bit more coldly than I intended.

He reared back as if I had slapped him. "You're joking?"

"No quite serious."

I was thankful when dinner ended and I could gulp down a few glasses of wine in the privacy of the kitchen. Feeling clammy, I stepped outside and sat by the lake.

"May I join you?" Nikolai asked.

I took a deep breath and let it out before nodding.

"Elaina, why don't you have children?" He asked.

"Brent doesn't want them." The wine has me relaxed and unguarded. "I was pregnant once. It was yours. I was going to tell you. I was on the way to you but I got into a car accident before I got there. The baby was fine. Then not even three hours later our parents died in a car wreck. The baby was gone in the next ten minutes. Honey left and I left myself. Married Brent and never looked back."

We sat silently for a long time after that and I felt lighter getting it off my chest after all these years.

"You deserve to be happy Elaina. You deserve to have a house full of kids and you deserve to be loved the way you love. This should not be your life." He kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand before walking back to the house.

I sat there looking at the stars wondering what would have happened had I broke up with Brent permanently the first time........