Mafia Legacy

Chapter Nineteen- Charlotte

I was completely numb as I sat outside the prison, trying to get up the nerve to go inside. My hands were shaking, and I was almost afraid if I stood up and got out of the car, I would pass out on the spot. I had gotten any an hour of sleep last night, tossing and turning as I went over all of this again.

There was so much stacked against Luca. So much evidence. So much animosity between him and the police. So much riding on the outcome of this.

I had always been so sure of my future with Luca, but now it felt like it was crumbling around me. Who ever thought I was equipped to handle this? Who thought I could be the kind of mother my children needed in the midst of all of this? That I could help Marco lead this group? Help him figure out what truly happened? I was failing from every angle right now and the person who usually built me back up when I stumbled was quite possibly never coming home.

More than anything, I was failing Luca. I had my doubts, and I felt like a terrible excuse of a wife for even entertaining them. In my heart of hearts, I knew he wasn't capable of what they were accusing him of. But I still felt like he was lying to me, holding something back. There was just too much shit for it to have been as innocent as he claimed. I was frustrated and angry, and sitting here in front of the jail, I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. This was never supposed to happen. He'd sworn we had nothing to worry about. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was furious with him for letting it. He was suffering just as much, or more than I was, but it was his fault.

I got myself together as much as I could and headed inside.

The sharp sound of the metal gate closing behind me made me jump. I was a hot mess right now, my anxiety and nerves skyrocketing as I walked down the long corridor.

"Right here, ma'am." One of the guards barked, pointing to a faded duct tape line on the ground. "Someone will be up to check your bag shortly."

Suddenly I felt nauseous. Everything about this made me sick, and in turn, absolutely infuriated that Luca had put me in this position. I tried to work this out in my mind over the last few days, but it was like every time I realized what was happening, I became paralyzed. Paralyzed with anger, with fear, with shame and sadness.

There was a window to the right of me, and I checked my appearance quickly. I wasn't exactly sure why. I hadn't seen Luca in days, but I wasn't in any kind of mood to be looking good for him. Really, I just wanted to be sure I didn't look as strung out as I felt. Like I hadn't been up all night crying my eyes out and reaching over to feel the coldness of his spot in the bed. Like I hadn't lied to my children about where I was headed this morning. Like I hadn't felt every piece of my heart breaking realizing that this could be our future. That I may never get my life or my family back again. That I may just be restricted to seeing Luca every other weekend for three hours, not even able to kiss him.

When I wasn't feeling absolutely livid with him, I was devastated. I was broken and shattered, and I didn't even know how to function. Somehow I was trying to make it work for the kids, but the truth was, I was losing my mind. I couldn't do this for the rest of my life, and if it was our new reality, I didn't know what that meant for my marriage. I fought a few tears back at the thought of it and cleared my throat. I couldn't go in there and fall apart. I had to stand my ground. I had to do what I came here to do and try to make some sense of this madness. I had to decide for myself if I really believed him or not.

"Ma'am?" I hadn't noticed another guard appear at my side. "Your bag?"

"Of course, I'm sorry." I put on a fake smile, composing myself despite the adversity we were facing and pretending everything was fine, like I had done for the last 16 years of my life.