shattered|| taekook

3

Dear Diary,

I was at the terrace with Yoongi hyung during lunch, he looked..... he was sad. He didn't diss Jinnie hyung, neither teased Hobi hyung saying he was horse face. He was unusually....quiet. He always is quiet, but this time his smile screamed his sadness.

After sometime he excused himself  and went to terrace, I followed. When I pushed the metal door open he snapped his neck at the creaking sound of it. He was smoking. I hated smoking.

He wasn't ready to tell me about the cause of his sadness, but did share his thoughts and I comforted him, he was relieved by my words. He missed someone, someone close to him, close to his heart. I asked him to visit his family, but he kept quiet sadly smiling looking down. I decided to keep the family topic away.

I don't know how, but we ended up laughing and bickering, I was staring at the sky covered in the thick grey blankets, the sun trying to find its way to shine. My hands were resting on the cold railing when Yoongi hyung decided to thank me. I admitted how grateful I was that I was blessed with someone like him to share my thoughts with.

We both were wrapped in comfortable silence, as he suddenly hugged me rubbing my back saying how strong I was. It felt good. Being appreciated. Being cared after months of crying and missing you. I felt good, relieved. But that didn't last long.

We heard the metal again seperating us and my breath hitched when I saw you. Standing there, jaw clenched, hands fisted, glaring at me. I don't know why though. I saw nothing but your burning eyes, do you hate me that much?

You pushed hyung away from me as he stumbled, I tried to free my wrist from your tight grip, free myself  from you, but I failed. You dragged me while I fought twisting and turning my hands, but no use. You took me in a darker and quieter room, away from everyone as you faced me and you spoke with authority.

Authority, over me.

I was frustrated by your recent glares and your stares at cafeteria, You yelled how I 'lied' about being busy. And something along the lines of, "But what I witnessed from last 6 days is that you....you have so much time for Yoongi. For his friends! For everything. Everything but me!"

I kept quiet.

"You like him? You like Yoongi? Huh? I suggest you stay away from him. He is not good for you."

You didn't have the right to speak to me, Jungkook.

"You won't go near him. Won't ever talk to him. Understood?"

You didn't have the right to order me around either, Jungkook.

"Y-You....Answer me Tae!" You snapped so I decided to speak.

"Why? The moment you said we were over. We became strangers, and I don't give a damn about what strangers think of me. And they have no right to interfere in my life or question my decisions." I answered trying to keep my voice even.

You stuttered. But I didn't wanted to hear your choked sobs of 'Tae's, so I interrupted you. I made it clear that only my friends had the right to call me that. And then, I excused myself, slightly shoving you, but this time....

This time when I thought you'd let me go, you didn't. You wrapped your muscular hand around my waist from behind as my back hit your side.

"I-I miss you," you whispered in my ear. These three words were enough to break me down, and I did. I did break down. I punched your hand slightly, my tears hitting your arms as I sobbed lowly. I felt your shaky ragged breath on the side of my neck and heard you choke on your tears silently as you held me tighter. Afraid that I might disappear, you breathed my hair kissing side of my head.

I wanted this, I wanted to feel the warmth of your body, I wanted to hear you whisper, I wanted to see you this close, though we were in dark, we could hear our skin touching, I wanted you this close.

I wanted all of this, but I did the opposite. I turned around and when your breath fanned my face, I controlled myself. I punched your stomach, breaking free as I rushed down in bathroom stall, letting the tears fall.

Yoongi hyung didn't ask me anything, I appreciate that. He gives me space when I need it. He forces me to spit and I feel better. He knows me well.

But I miss you.

And now, I can't sleep cause I was busy writing this and crying again.

--3:49 a.m

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-aura