shattered|| taekook

5

Dear Diary,

Jin hyung decided to dye his hair pink. He requested all of us to join, to which we agreed.

Hobi hyung convinced me too. I didn't know which color though. So I got help from Yoongi Hyung since he's really cool and has a great taste. He suggested red and in return asked for my advice, I suggested him mint.

And wow.... he looks super attractive.

He said I look hot, I don't know really though. Yes, it did look good on me. No doubt. But.....

I wonder if you'll like it. I still give importance to your opinion Koo--Jungkook. I think it will take some time for me to accept that you don't belong to me anymore. That you like Jimin. That you wanna be away from me.

That....you think I was..ugly.

I started crying again.

--2:39 a.m.

****
Dear Diary,

I was tired. I didn't sleep last night, so I slept in cafeteria. Yoongi hyung caressed my hair like you used to. And I felt sleepy, I fell asleep on his lap in no time.

After school we decided to hang out just as promised. We went movies, had popcorn, took selfies, had an 'who was the best character' fight. I made him carry me on his back when he lost Rock Paper Scissors after we bought ice-cream. I laughed so hard when he greeted people while they gave him odd stares. He still smiled brightly walking to our dorm as I was feeding him his ice-cream with my left hand and eating mine with my right one.

He is not a fair player of course, he did lick mine when I was slipping from his back, but still managed till we reached our dorm.

I laughed a lot today. I liked today.

You were walking out of the dorm with Jimin clinging to your arm, when hyung was running, and shouting 'Yaaahhh' and I laughed so hard raising my hand in air as the scoop of my ice-cream flew. I beheaded an ice cream....

You had that same look on your face when you locked your eyes with me, my smile faltered, but it didn't die. Hyung noticed that, but thankfully he didn't stop, running with same speed and shouting my name as we entered the building.

I acted jolly in front of him, and he bought it. We were super tired, so we decided to rest.

He is asleep now, Jungkook. But I can't remove the image of Jimin smiling by your side, holding your hands. The way you kissed him in the hallway. The way you called me ugly duckling. The way you ignore me and feed him lunch.

It hurts. It hurts alot.

But I'm still ok.

It hurts because I'm used to your presence. And it will be fine because I can get used to your absence.

--12:37 a.m.

*****
Dear Diary,

We happened to be partners in our science project. The moment I heard this, my face paled and my smile died. You looked tensed. Maybe you didn't like it?

I decided to speak to maam and change our partners, when I told you about this. You refused to change the partners, I don't know why but.. I felt good to hear. But my pride kicked in and I did what I was going to,

I requested to not pair me up with you but she shook her head and said it was decided. I don't want to be partners with you, not when you look at me with that face and...when I'm not over you. When your opinion still matters to me. I requested a lot.

After I came back to our seat, you looked raged. I didn't bother with you. I'm sorry bit, Lisa's conversation seemed more interesting than your anger.

She is really amazing companion, funny, sarcastic, sassy, kind, a bit short-tempered, a walking meme, amazing dancer, beautiful rapper, motivating people with her song writing skills, calm singer, and not to mention Jennie's girlfriend. Jennie didn't share this class with her so she was paired with Jisoo.

I didn't wanted to look at you so I started conversation with both the ladies. While they were bickering and I was chuckling, you grabbed my wrist dragging me out of the class.

Great.

You dragged me towards bathroom before my back hit the wall and you leaned in, your cologne hit my nose and suddenly I was overwhelmed. Everything I was trying to block, everything I tried to push was coming right back. With all the force and emotions. The memories, the cuddles, the hugs, the appriciation, the kisses.

Everything.

When I looked at you, your breath stopped breathing, I felt it.

This was the first time in weeks when we were face to face, staring into the windows of our souls, to find what? Hate? Rage? Why are you so confusing?

You asked me if why I refused to be your partner? Why? "Your boyfriend is better than me now?" Yoongi hyung is not my boyfriend, Jungkook. But I didn't feel the need to clear things or give you an explanation.

"I am in no mood for your shit right now." I said instead, hiding my tears and making my choking voice inaudible.

I realized cursing helps in controlling your tears or incoming emotional break down.

I knew I couldn't hold back myself from breaking down, from opening up to you, from pleading you to come back to me. So I decided to leave. I shoved you harshly than I intended. Your back hit the basin, you winced. I wanted to ask if you were ok but I did otherwise.

You grabbed my wrist. Embraced me. Why'd you do that?

"Tae. Please talk to me, please. I miss you. I said I miss you, please." You sobbed and few tears escaped my eyes too.

'Come back to me' was all you needed to say, Kook. And I would forgive you in a second. But you didn't.

It's funny how I almost chuckled while writing this.

--1:05 a.m.

_____******_____

living is toxic bruh. deadass exhaustion.

anygays, please make sure to comment and vote. i love to read your thoughts.

bora hae💜💜

-aura.