Loving Us

VI

🎶jo tum na ho to hum bhi hum nahi
jo tum na ho to hum bhi hum nahi
na chahiye kuchh tumse zyada
tumse kam nahi... 🎶

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"Ugh, I can't do this!" Meera exclaimed in frustration and threw away her book and pen.

Kabir, who was working on his laptop, raised his eyes to look at her and understand the reason for her sudden outburst.

It was around midnight, they both were in their room. Kabir was sitting on the couch, working. Meanwhile, Meera was sprawled on the bed, trying to study. She had her exams coming up but she was not able to understand a word of economics.

Meera saw Kabir eyeing her and smiled sheepishly at him. "I am sorry."

She was so frustrated at the subject and her inability to decipher it that she had forgotten that he was present in the room.

Kabir had noticed her struggling for the past one hour and kind of felt bad for her. He hadn't been able to accept their new relationship yet, but he still didn't like the frown that she had on her forehead.

"Do you need any help?" He couldn't help but ask.

Meera looked at him, shocked. Was he really talking to her?

"Umm, if you don't mind." She meekly said. She always got nervous in his presence.

He shut his laptop, and came to sit beside her on the bed. As soon as his smell entered her nose, her nervousness shot up. 

He took her book and looked through the content. "Ahh, the concept of demand and supply. It is simple."

"Easy for you to say! You've always been a scholar." She huffed.

They've been in the same school, even though Kabir passed his twelfth about three years later Meera started going to school. But those three years, Meera had seen him getting called on stage, at the beginning of every year, and being rewarded for his outstanding performance, along with other scholar students.

They had never talked in school too, but Meera clearly remembered him saving her from bullies once. A few older boys had cornered a seven year old Meera, and she, being the naive soul, had gotten so scared that she started crying. Kabir, who was out of his class for some reason, saw them and rushed to protect the little girl. He was in grade twelve, and one of the most popular guys in the school. He, very politely, threatened those boys that if he ever saw them or anyone troubling Meera again, he would make sure that their school lives become hell. After that day, no one dared to trouble Meera again.

That was the first time Meera had felt something for Kabir. As a seven year old, she didn't know anything about what she was feeling, but she started to look up to him. Since then, she had always admired him from afar.

Kabir chuckled and Meera's eyes moved towards his lips. They were the perfect shade of light pink. She could see them moving, which meant that he must be speaking, but her mind couldn't process anything. She was too lost looking at the way his lips danced, how he ran his tongue on them, and how it would feel to trace them with her fingers, or maybe her lips!

"Meera?" Kabir's loud voice broke her trance.

She blinked and stared at him.

"Are you even listening to me?" His voice was a little hard. He hated when people didn't pay attention to him. He liked things under his control, always.

"Yes, of course." She hurriedly said.

He let her go this once, and continued explaining the chapter to her. Around an hour later, they were done with one chapter. Kabir was really good with explanations and didn't lose his cool when Meera asked him to explain a few topics over and over again. He was about to start the second chapter but she stopped him.

"Can we continue tomorrow? I am tired." She yawned.

He nodded and closed the book. Then he got up to go to the couch. Yes, even after almost a month of their marriage, he was still sleeping on the couch. But today when he got up, Meera held his wrist with her thin fingers.

"Kabir, please sleep on the bed." Her soft, scared voice requested him.

He turned around and saw her looking at him with her big, innocent eyes. She had an adorable pout on her lips, which he wanted to lean in and kiss.

"Why?" He asked.

"I don't like seeing you sleeping on that uncomfortable couch. I know you don't want to share a bed with me, so I'll sleep on the couch." She mumbled.

His heart was skipping beats looking at that absolute goddess, worrying about him, while his skin on the wrist, which she was holding, had started to send him tingles.

He didn't know why, but he agreed to sleep on the bed. In return, she gave him a dazzling smile. Then she started to put her books away and then grabbed her pillow to move to the couch.

"We can share the bed, if you're comfortable." He said.

She looked surprised, again, but nonetheless slipped under the bed covers.

It was the first time she was sharing a bed with a man. The presence of him, under the same comforter was making her slightly dizzy. On the other hand, Kabir didn't know what he was feeling. He had had sex with other girls before, but he had never felt this way. He didn't have a name for what he was feeling, but he didn't want to let go of it. It took them quite some time to doze off.

The next morning, the first thing Kabir saw was Meera's face. She was facing him. Her one hand was under her head, while the other rested on the pillow. A few tendrils of her hair fell on her face, while she peacefully slept with her mouth slightly open.

He laid there, looking at her for a long time. He knew the way he was treating her was wrong. She deserved a husband who'd move heaven and earth just to get her smile once. But he just couldn't do all that for her. The way they got married, it was so quick that he couldn't even process it. And the fact that she was a decade younger than him didn't make it any easier. And though he never admitted it, he was a tad bit insecure too.
She married him because she didn't have any other choice, but would she ever be okay with him being so much older than her? Does she even find him attractive or just look at him as an old man?

🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺🔺

They both are insecure and confused. Will they be able to get past all this?