Dear Sofia [Bucky Barnes]

13

1945

Two months and a bottle of scotch was all that was needed for Howard to write this entry. Probably one of the most conflicting entries he could have made.

I have done something horrible-

He decided horrible wasn't the proper word to use, it wasn't right to use it, it didn't capture the situation properly.

I may have done something disputable. Project PQ29 was successful. Although Sofia is not out of containment-

Does he explain the project? I mean he probably should. Thus far he hasn't described anything to do with project PQ29 in any of these journal entries. He should explain it, he could also explain  what occurred with Sofia.

Although Sofia is not out, she's still frozen. Two months ago she volunteered to be frozen for three days and I haven't taken her out.

He paused for a moment, thinking of what he needed to say. He poured another glass, a few drops had fallen on the page, it didn't matter.

On the second day of her being frozen in the chamber, I received some news. The news is what made me decide to keep her frozen, for the past two months. On day two, a letter was delivered stating that Sergeant Barnes, her fiancé, has passed away.

I took the day to grieve, then think about what I was going through say to Sofia. She wouldn't be able to go on, he was her everything. By the time I could make a choice on the matter, over two weeks had passed, now two months. I can't take her out to deal with this.

Now I've received word that Steve Rogers is dead, one of her dearest  friends. How will she move forward, she has lost everything. I can't tell her, she won't be able to go through that.

Because in truth the two people she was most fond of were death. How could he even begin to explain that Bucky was dead, they were the great love story. For as long as Howard had known Sofia, Bucky had been there. Now for the first time, he is not.

Steve was close to her as well, like a big brother. He was always there to help, be there for her. She was involved in the serum, something that made Steve a super soldier.

She was someone who could grace a smile on there faces, she was just a light to them. He didn't want that light to burn out.

The project has been a success, after two months she has stayed stable. At this point however, I have no intention of unfreezing her. I have cleared out her shared apartment, the one she shared with Bucky. They sent back some of his belongings from the war and I decided to put them in the room with her with her.

The chamber is in a separate part of the bunker, due to it being a secret project. So I have taken her belongs from her home, put them with her and boarded off the room.

I couldn't bring myself to unfreeze her, I also could not kill her. She will remain frozen, I don't know how long she will be there until she is found but I won't take her out in my life time.

Signed,
Howard

He flicked close the journal, putting it aside on his desk and turning off his desks lamp. A simple sigh was all he muttered as he climbed into bed, knowing full well that he would have to live with what he had done, for the rest of his life.