Wherever You Are

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I reached outside my side of window to collect rainwater in my palm. It wasn’t that bad of a weather in fact it was my favorite. The sky was covered with dark clouds and it was drizzling outside. There was cold wind blowing that threw my hair on my face every now and then. I was really glad for the absence of lightening. I love rain, I am supposed to given my middle name is Rain but I absolutely loathe the thundering. They scare me.

I watched the water falling down my hands just like everything else in my life.

“Still the same I see.” From beside me Lee said. He was watching the road but had a smile on his lips. “You will like it here.” He chanced a quick glance at me. “I will be there with you.”

I felt myself boiling in anger. How dare he behave all brotherly on me now after abandoning me. He didn’t care about me. I knew it very well now.

“Stop acting like you care Elliot. I know you don’t.” I saw his grip tightened on the steering wheel and his jaw clench. I had to admit he still looked like the very same Lee that used to bring her chocolates and hot water bottles during my periods. But he wasn’t. He was Elliot. The brother who abandoned me like everyone else. “Besides, I am no longer scared of being lonely. I had five years to get used to it alone in the house, you know.”

I was jerked forward as the car stopped all of a sudden. I turned to yell at Lee who was staring at me with an emotion in his eyes I knew was all a lie. Guilt. Why would he be guilty?

Oh!

He is guilty for applying brake out of the blue. 

I saw him taking off his seat belt as he turned to face me. He took my hands from my lap into his. I tried to pull my hands back but he wouldn’t let go. He was stronger than me. He has always been. He dared to run away from the hell hole and I didn’t. I was always weak and scared. Not anymore. I had five years to build my walls. I turned my head outside to hide my glistening eyes.

I had promised myself to not cry anymore. And I surely won’t.

“Ellie, Please, give me an opportunity to make amends. I wasn’t living my life happily after leaving you all alone with her. I missed you so much. I missed you every day and I worked hard day and night to be able to get you out of there. I know I missed five long years of your life. I didn’t get to threaten boys and embarrass you in front of your friends. I didn’t get to meet your boyfriends, neither heard you sing. You know how much I used to love your voice.”

I wanted to tell him so many things right there at the moment as I saw him looking so hopeful and lovingly at me. I wanted to tell him how I wished I had him to defend me from the boys in high school. I wished I could tell him that I didn’t have any friends. I wanted to tell my brother about him. The boy who taught me the most important lesson in my life. 

Elliot had no idea what my life all these years had been like. I was the girl whose parents divorced. The girl whose twin brother ran away from home. Elliot wasn’t just some kid. He was the star kid of our school and his absence was known by everyone. It didn’t help that our Dad Davis organized a search for him and whole school was questioned. I knew where he was but I couldn’t snitch on him. We were supposed to have each other’s back. He left me didn’t mean I would leave him.

“Please drive” I turned away from him. “And if you have changed your mind, then drop me back.” I said.

He looked like he wanted to say something but then he turned and put on his seatbelt and started driving. I closed the window as by now it was pouring heavily outside. Just like in my heart. I rested my head on the cool glass and lost myself in thoughts.