I can't do this anymore
can't keep lying to myself
and to others
I can't pretend anymore
can't pretend my life is all sunshine and rainbows
because it isn't
I've lost so much
I've lost my best friend
to suicide
lost my dad- not physically
but the dad I knew left me
I'm losing my mom-
she's becoming my father
I've lost myself
to the pain and depression and suffering
it's just the same scenario over
and over
and over
I can't tell you I'm fine
can't keep faking a smile
because when are any of us
actually 'okay'
but I can't let go
can't leave the things I love
my brother
my sister
my friends
books
dance
singing
I want to leave
so badly
yet I'm... scared.
scared of the reactions of others.
so I can't leave.
not yet.
