Devotion

08|its my fault, not yours bullshit.

James's hand brushed my hip as I opened my eyes and let out a startled breath.

He looked down at me, a gun in his hand and his face covered in a black mask, his eyes staring at me blankly, as if every emotion and color had been sucked out of his body.

I straightened up and shook my head as he was suddenly gone.

The winter soldier.

I looked next to me when I saw James again, but this time the James I knew and loved, the one with the colors and emotions that glowed from his eyes, this time they glowed with worry.

"You had a bad dream, everything's fine."

He took me in his arms and I looked at the wall, but again, it looked like the furniture was different than it was yesterday and confused I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"James who is the winter soldier?"

Startled, he broke away from the embrace and put his trembling hand with a swing behind him.
"I don't know what you're talking about, do you want breakfast?"

Obviously he wanted to distract me and of course I noticed, but I knew that he would never tell me the truth and this time I had to find out differently.

The feeling of not knowing what is going on and always being waved off when wanting to know something eats me up from the inside, the conversation between wanda and James, which interested me very much, of course I was not allowed to experience either, so after a quiet breakfast with James I did what came to mind.

Talk to Wanda's husband, Vision.

I ran out the door and stomped furiously to Wanda's house, where luckily I only found Vision on the sofa, who looked at me questioningly.

"How did you get in here?" He asked, and looked me up and down as I looked at the floor myself and then looked up again, confused.

"I- I don't know ... Vision listen, Weird things are happening in here, what is going on?"

He got up and I feared he would kick me out, but he only took a few steps closer.

"Yes. I figured. We need to see what's outside of Westview. Tonight is Halloween, you're going to wait outside your house. "

A little impressed and relieved because I wasn't the only one who found everything strange, I nodded and immediately left Wanda's house only to run into James' arms.

"Hey, where have you been?"

He put his arm around my shoulder and I just smiled. Even after all the chaos, James is important to me, although I knew that he was hiding something from me, I knew that it wasn't bad and that James really loves me. His way of making me laugh and all the beautiful moments we shared, gave me enough insight into him, into his personality and this I loved.

„I love you."

I covered my mouth and looked away.
Even though I meant, really meant, those words, I was surprised that I was saying them right now.

James stayed silent for a while and stared at me, I felt like a complete idiot, his face darkened and everything was weird.

"Y / n, I need to tell you something. You cant love me. You don't know me. "

I took a step back, disappointed and bit my lip. he really didn't said it back? Although I was the one who was suspicious and he was the one with the bad excuses?

"I truly love you y / n. But you don't truly love me. "

The it's my fault not yours bullshit? For real? I couldn't deal with that right now.

so I ran, shedding a tear, with quick steps away from James, who unfortunately was still able to follow me.

"Shut it James I don't want to know, let's talk tomorrow about it. I'm tired. "

He looked at me disappointed and then just nodded.

"Tonight's Halloween, you know? I thought- "

"James I'm absolutely exhausted, let's talk tomorrow." So I turned away from him and walked home quickly, where I was already preparing for the night with Vision.

A/N: I'm sorry that the chapter took so long but I'm really trying to make y'all see how everything's starting to fall apart ;)