People are like onions. Layer after layer, its like endless layers covering the mind. Not everyone get to see the same layers.
Some gets the mean bitch version, some gets the sweet like sugar version and to some you r the epitome of mystery.
Once a long time ago someone said, my smile is my strength and i should use it to my advantage. I was too naïve to understand the meaning then. But what that meant was happy face can take a little closer to someone's heart, lets you see one more layer of a person, can open the door to peoples heart.
It was certainly a good advice but it became a curse for me. That everlasting smiley face became my invisible mask which covered my fears, my sadness, my insecurities, my jealousy and my disappointment. Everyone only saw the smile at front. No one bothered to look beyond that.
I couldn't show how much it saddens me to see my friends leave me out of things, forgot me, became happy without me. I couldn't show my jealousy when people bragged about their success neither could I show my disappointment when family members misunderstood me.
Ask me, what I fear most? My fear is being chained by the society. To live by what society tells me to do. And to beg someone for help.
May be I lost my happiness then and there when I decided to revel and also put smile as a mask. After all I put my foots forward in two boat. What did I expect? Sunshine and roses?
I know what you think. You think, I m rude, I look down upon you and I don't feel comfortable around you. But you will probably never know, I showed you a version of myself that I myself never knew existed.
Insecurity........
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