The Blackout Girl ✔️

chapter thirty-eight

Chapter Thirty-Eight

When Lexi pulled up to the neurologist's office, she felt an overwhelming sense of fear crush her lungs into flat, airless bags of nothingness. Her nerves were a plaguing, striking entity, and it didn't help that she was walking into this new environment with someone she was afraid she'd scare off.

Like he could read her mind, Cal leaned forward, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere, Lex."

She sighed, but it sounded more like a wheeze than a steady breath. "It's not you. I just don't like doctors."

"I can imagine," Cal said.

Can you? she thought.

She knew that if she mentioned this to Nolan, to Kaytee, they would have a clinical explanation. It would be something simple that could be shoved into a report without another thought. In their world, it seemed like everything could be analyzed, and Lexi wanted some of that simplicity right now.

She knew it was irrational to think they would tell her she was unfixable. She'd never heard that from any doctors, and she'd met plenty of them. Still, the thought idled in the back of her head, a nagging notion.

The appointment went by quickly, which surprised her. She expected it to be a painful, agonizingly long affair, and it didn't feel that way at all. Perhaps her perspective had matured, or maybe the change of heart had something to do with the man who joined her.

Lexi thought she was making progress. Well, as much as could be expected. Perfection wasn't something she thought would happen, at least not in the near future. According to the neurologist, she needed to start by taking a new medication and monitoring her stress levels.

That was the starting point, and Cal had taken notes on his phone to make sure he didn't miss a thing. His diligence mustered a smile out of Lex, even when her mouth felt too heavy to form the shape of a grin.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch. Lexi was falling into a routine with Cal, which was an inexplicable feat. She was shocked to be so comfortable with him, but it made sense. Years of history made it possible to connect, and even if they'd only formally been together for a short time, she felt like it had been longer.

He'd slipped into her life again like he belonged there, fitting right in without changing a thing. Lexi had no objections. She liked the intimacy, the warmth he brought to her world. In a way, Cal was helping her stand until she was sure she could walk on her own.

They made dinner. He cooked, and she helped however she could. She wasn't very good at it, even with a simple recipe like spaghetti. He seemed comfortable though, so she let him lead. They did the dishes together too, flicking water and suds at one another throughout the chore. Everything about it was comfortable. Happy.

She expected it to stay that way.

She fell asleep with her head in Cal's lap. They'd been watching some baseball highlights to end their night, and she was lulled into dreams by the crack of a bat and the familiar buzz of a ballpark.

When she stirred, it was after eleven. The room was dark, and Cal was asleep with his head tilted back against the cushions. His mouth was slightly ajar, a low snoring sound escaping his throat. He had work in the morning, so she tried not to disturb him as she shifted. Through sleepy eyes, she blinked at the glowing, blue screen ahead of her.

"There's no telling if this is a home invasion gone wrong, or a calculated attack from the Dallas Killer. We're on the scene now at a small residential area."

Lexi stared at the journalist who was clutching a microphone in her two small hands. Her face was grave, one of hardly composed fear. There was something about her demeanor that was real. Oftentimes, the people who led broadcasts were good at hiding behind facades, but she wore her emotions loud and clear. Lex wondered if that was intentional, or simply a mistake.

"The tenant of this house, Mr. Carlos Esperanza, was attacked and stabbed in his home earlier this evening. While law enforcement has given us no formal confirmation, we have reason to believe—"

The woman stopped when she saw an FBI vehicle rolling up to the house. Sure enough, Lexi could make out Nolan and Darren's silhouettes from a distance. Each man stepped under the yellow tape, tucking badges back into their jackets. The cameras were following them, and the reporter in front of them was doing her best to catch up.

"Agents!" she called, stumbling after them. "Would you like to comment on the investigation?"

They pointedly ignored her, and an officer stepped in at the last second to remind her there was a barrier the press weren't allowed to cross.

Lexi had to change the channel after that since she was done hearing the details.

This was a high profile story. There wouldn't be so many news outlets in that neighborhood if it wasn't. Lexi wanted to believe it was truly just a home invasion, but if it was a fresh, breaking story, it was something worthy enough to break Dallas's newfound sense of safety.

Everyone thought the murderer had been caught. She had, hadn't she?

So why the hell was someone trying to recreate it?

Lexi went to wash her face, hoping the cool water would ease some of the tension she felt. She was trying not to let it get to her and failing horribly. The nausea settling in was turning the room into a tilt-a-whirl, like a funhouse that never went away. She braced herself against the counter, hoping to find stability in the tile.

She was getting ahead of herself. She knew it was irrational to be jumping to conclusions, but it was something she was hopelessly good at. Her anxiety made her great at launching into a panicked state, and if she wasn't careful, she would be diving headfirst into one.

"Just go to bed," she told herself. "Worry in the morning."

She stepped out into the hallway, startled out of her skin when she ran into Cal.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed, practically squeaking.

He chuckled. "It's fine, honey. My bad."

She rubbed at her face, trying to mask her worries.

"What do you say we go back to my room?" he suggested. "It's better than the couch."

"Sounds great," she rushed out. "Yeah. Let's do that."

Immediately, he folded his body around hers, protectively holding her in his arms. They'd fallen asleep like that for a few nights now, and she hadn't gotten tired of it. His presence helped her ease back into a relaxed state. She tried to stop obsessing over the news, counting the loose threads in his comforter in an attempt to distract herself.

He fell back asleep easily. She was envious of his ability to fade out at seemingly any time. Even on her good nights, she was constantly preoccupied with something keeping her mind active. It was annoying, at best. At worst, it was torture.

It wouldn't be appropriate to call Nolan. She had no place inserting herself into federal business. She wasn't an agent, and she wasn't a witness they needed anymore. It wasn't her place to ask questions. The information was going to be kept from the public for a reason, and she counted as an average citizen without the clearance to interfere.

Still, she wanted to.

Lexi hated following rules, and especially in a time like this, when it felt like all hell was breaking loose, she wasn't sure if she believed in the guidelines anymore.