Out Of Time | A Shelby

one

Arthur stood on the ledge of the bridge. The sound of the water rushing below him was the only thing that had made even an attempt at drowning out the voices inside his head, though it wasn't quite loud enough.

He held his breath, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Had his life really got that bad? Was the only way out sending his body down the cut?

He didn't know. But he couldn't see another way out of the hole that he was in. It had been dark for a long time in his mind, so long that he'd forgotten what brightness was like. The war had taken it's toll on the eldest Shelby brother the worst. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't relax, he couldn't go a day without breaking down and having flashbacks that had brought him here.

Here. The bridge, the very edge.

Arthur sighed and let the wind blow against his skin. He reached up and fixed his cap, straightening it and feeling the cool blade against the tips of his fingers. He'd die a Peaky, just as he lived as one.

He hung one foot over the edge, his balance swaying as the sound of the water gushing below him became louder. He felt like he was already falling, his mind had already gone.

"Sir! Oh my gosh sir get down! Please sir!"

He felt a tug on his hand and he fell backwards onto the cobblestones, a loud groan coming from his lips as his spine crashed onto the floor.

"Good God, what are you thinking! Are you alright? Sir?"

Arthur blinked a few times as he tried to bring himself back to reality, reminding himself that he wasn't floating halfway down the cut, nor was he on the edge of the bridge anymore.

He was back.

"What? What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry- I'm sorry sir I thought you were going to jump, I just-"

"Too fucking right I was gonna jump, what else would I be doing out here at this time of night standing on the edge of a bridge for you daft bitch?"

Arthur groaned again and rubbed his eyes, pulling his cap off and running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I thought I was helping."

Her voice was soft and quiet, she sounded afraid. Arthur immediately regretted his aggressive words, despite the lack of feeling that he had left inside of him.

"I'm sorry, love. Not your fault, bad day." He waved his hand in the air and sighed.

"O-okay?" She said, not sure what to do next.

"Don't stay out here darling you'll catch your death."

Arthur looked up at her for the first time. She was petite with long blonde hair and red stained lips, her skin pale and her eyes a deep brown. The burning of the streetlamp cast a shadow across half of her face, it was only then that he noticed the child.

"Christ I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a child with you."

She just shook her head, pushing the child gently behind her legs to protect him, but that didn't stop him from peering around her arm to look at Arthur.

"It's fine. Can I walk you home? To make sure you're safe? I don't think I could sleep tonight if I didn't make sure you were back with your family."

Arthur slowly rose to his feet, picking his cap up off the floor and putting it back on his head. He fixed his jacket and bow tie, not letting himself look back at the bridge or the water.

"Er," Arthur fumbled over his words, "I'll walk you home, how about that? It's not safe round here at any time let alone at night."

He didn't know what he was doing. Arthur could barely think straight, the voices inside his head were shouting and screaming at him to get back on the bridge to finish what he'd started, though it looked like it'd have to wait for another day.

Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat. I should be dead right now, he thought. The world worked in mysterious ways. The idea that he was alive and walking back into Small Heath when he could very easily have been sinking like a stone face down in a river of black under a full moon made him shiver.

He followed the woman and the boy on the path back into Small Heath. He stayed quiet mostly, hearing the child ask his mother questions about "why the man said a bad word". That made him laugh, at least.

He could still hear the canal boats passing behind them and the sound of the water against the banks. He should've been in there.

"Where do you live, Sir?"

Arthur looked up from the floor when the woman spoke to him, looking back at him over her shoulder.

"I, er, just round the corner."

She looked at him as if to say 'go on then'. He unwillingly carried on walking towards his home, glancing in the window as he turned onto the street and seeing the yellow hue of the lamp from behind the net curtains that hung in the front window.

He unlocked the door, not realising how shaky his hands were till it took him four tries to get the key into the lock successfully. He could feel the woman's eyes burning into the back of his head as she stood not far behind him, the child now on her hip.

He pushed open the door and stepped inside his house.

"Thank you, I suppose. I'm sorry for scaring you, and for swearing in front of your boy."

She smiled and shook her head, the boy rested her head against her shoulder and yawned.

"You're welcome. I might be stating the obvious but perhaps see a doctor, or speak to a friend, brother, wife, anybody."

Arthur just nodded. She was trying to be kind, he knew that, but it seemed a little stupid to him that she thought he'd not exhausted all the options he had available. He'd have to be pretty messed up to want to die in the cut.

"Thank you, again, Miss?"

"Lewis, Nancy Lewis. And you are?"

She smiled at him. It was a kind smile, something that he rarely got from anybody. It reached right up to her eyes and she looked directly at him, it was as if she was letting him know she was genuine.

"Mummy, what's that shiny thing in his cap?"

Arthur grabbed the cap from his head and held it in his hands, almost blushing at the child's question. He didn't realise the blade had come loose when he'd fallen.

He watched as the boy's mother's eyes widened as the penny dropped inside her head. At first she looked confused, but then she quickly fit the rest of the puzzle pieces together.

"It's nothing darling, come on we must get home. Daddy will be wondering where on earth we've been."

She held her child closer to her and quickly turned her back on Arthur, making her way across the road.

"It's Arthur!" He called out, "Arthur Shelby."