Forever and Never

Five: The Beauty That Is Stanley Barber

Warnings: mentions of marijuana and rape

Word Count: 2493

   "And after I found out what happened, I became kinda cold towards him..."

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    That Monday, I had felt like absolute shit. I had never gotten that drunk before, that I guess I was still recovering from Ricky's party. I hadn't remembered much of anything other than dancing, kissing Stan, and being alone with Ricky. My mind went blank once that door locked. It truly angered me that I let myself get intoxicated enough to lose my virginity to the one person I wanted to keep it away from, but that was just the story of my life. I hadn't spoken to anyone since then, not wanting my headache to increase by staring at a phone screen. When Pam got home, she only tutted at me as a 'told you so' before proceeding to baby me for the entirety of Sunday. I hadn't complained, not for a second. In her care, I almost forgot what it was like to be swarmed by my overbearing school body. Walking into school that Monday instantly shifted my mood. The overlapping conversations, the constant bumping into everyone, countless greetings I didn't bother to return. I just rubbed my temples and sped down the hall. Almost at my locker, I heard a familiar voice call out to me. It was too familiar to ignore, so I turned to find Dina, standing at her locker with a friend. She whispered something to her companion, leading them to smile at us both and walk away. Her eyes assessed me as I approached her, leaning against her neighboring locker. She chuckled and crossed her arms. "Well, someone is still fucked up."

    "Yeah, I feel like shit," I mumbled. "Is Ricky looking as bad as I am?"

    "No," Dina frowned in confusion. "He was nowhere near as drunk as you."

    Despite its protest, I snapped my head up to attention. "Huh? Yeah, he was. We were both shitfaced."

    "I'm telling you, (Y/N), Ricky was tipsy for, like, half an hour. He had been looking for you once he sobered up."

    My heart dropped to my stomach as my mouth dried up. Pushing myself off of the locker, I turned and walked away, my head too foggy to hear Dina calling after me. He can't and won't do that to you again, (Y/N). That's what I told myself right before entering that party.

    Well, he did. And he did so much worse.

    Ricky wouldn't do that without consent, right? He was so respectful towards me, he was patient with me.

    He never was patient when it came to sex. That's why I avoided him in the first place.

    My breathing was labored, my vision was clouded by tears, my mind went haywire. Ricky raped me. I got drunk and I isolated myself in a room with him. A locked room. He knew what he was doing. As I passed the girls' bathroom, I saw a familiar blur of curls, but my mind forced my legs to keep moving. I caught onto the last bit of what he was saying to me.

    "-- doing okay? How are you feeling?" When I didn't respond, he sighed. "Why is no one talking to me today...?"

    Maybe it was his defeated tone, maybe it was the fact that I trusted him most, but without a second thought, I grabbed Stan by the wrist and dragged him around the corner. I led him under the stairs and stopped when we were consumed in darkness. I opened my mouth to tell him, but where do you even start with this? My hands flew to my mouth to muffle the broken sob that escaped. Stan stiffened at the sound before ducking his head to search my face. "(Y/N)? Hey, talk to me. What happened?"

    "S-Stan, Stan, I... Me and Ricky had sex at his party." I shakily whispered. His brows furrowed, and I noticed an eye twitch, but he slowly nodded for me to continue. "B-But... But I-I just t-talked to Dina and s-s-she said that Ricky wasn't even drunk. I-It was just me, Stan, it was just me."