Totally Awkward Random

12. Monica and Chandler

TW minor panic attack

12

"Harry, Harry!" Louis yelled, running to catch Harry as he made his way across campus.

"Lou? What's wrong? You look panicked." Harry gave Louis a once over, visibly relaxing when he didn't notice any physical injuries.

"I'm ok. I mean I'm not, I mean, I just - I really have to say something to you if that's ok?" Louis began his spiel quickly, desperate to get what he needed to say off his chest.

"Yeah, yeah, of course, is this a sit-down conversation because -" Harry started, Louis cutting him off before he could finish.

First mistake.

"No. No, I'll be quick I promise." Louis assured nodding aggressively.

"Ok, um I'm just going to say it. Harry, we had no spark, no immediate chemistry, there was nothing. No kissing-in-the-rain-I'll-never-let-go-Jack moment, because that wasn't us, it's not us. We weren't meant to be this fiery passionate love story. We were meant to be this, the best kind, the slow burn that still keeps the attention of everyone, because, after all of it, the wait is so worth it. And just, ugh, Harry I can't even think, because all I can think about is how great you are and how suddenly every love song seems to be about you."

Louis gasped for air before continuing.

"And fuck Harry, at first I thought you were right and we were platonic soulmates, but I keep waking up thinking 'I love Harry, I. Love. Him.'"

The tears in Louis's eyes finally escaped and once they started there was nothing he could do to stop them.

"And I'm just tired of acting like this whole lack of everything at first was a permanent thing because it's not. Sometimes fire doesn't start with a spark, sometimes a fire starts after a painstaking process and lots and lots of sparks that fizzle out into nothing. All I know is I'm on fire right now, Harry, and I don't care how it started anymore. All I care about is the fact that I'm on fire and it's all because of you. It's all for  you." Louis looked up to meet Harry's gaze, noticing how shocked the other boy looked, staring back at him, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Louis...I thought we talked about this? I thought we agreed we were platonic soulmates... nothing more. Like Phoebe and Joey remember? Louis, I'm -" Harry stopped abruptly when he saw Louis' eyes refill with tears.

"Louis, I'm so sorry," Harry reached for Louis's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him, but dropped his hand and looked down at his watch instead, "I'm so sorry but I have to go."

Louis turned to leave, but before he could get far, words he immediately regretted spilled from his mouth, "Where, Harry? Where do you have to go?"

Second mistake.

Harry frowned, face contorting with the pain he knew he was about to cause Louis, "Don't make me answer that Lou."

"Don't call me that. Please." Louis begged.

Suddenly a new fire overtook him. Rage. Jealousy. All the other things that can burn deep inside you. The ugly things, the ones that create the type of fire that isn't carefully built to keep you warm. This fire was new, all-engulfing and burning so hot it hurt, blazing through everything inside of him eventually leaving him empty, with nothing but ash.

Leaving him cold.

Alone.

"Have fun on your date," Louis shouted his voice shaking far more than he had intended. He wanted to storm off to find Niall or Liam and Zayn. To find anyone who could make him feel a little bit better, a little bit less like a big jealous fool in love with someone who didn't want him. But he couldn't bring his feet to move, so instead, he listened to Harry walk away.